When the crow sings its voice out

The 4 personality types

2009-08-31T14:37:00.000+02:00

God could have made us all Sanguines.
We could have lots of fun but accomplish little.
He could have made us all Melancholies.
We would have been organized and charted but not very cheerful.
He could have made us all Cholerics.
We would have been set to lead, but impatient that no one would follow!
He could have made us all Phlegmatics.
We would have had a peaceful world but not much enthusiasm for life.
We need each temperament for the total function of the body.
Each part should do its work to unify the action and produce harmonious results.
-Florence Littauer in The Gift of Encouraging Words

A Song dedication to a friend and others who need it as well

2009-07-23T22:44:00.006+02:00

Hymns were all written by people who understood, felt and suffered the toils of life. When we were children, troubles didn't feel all that heavy. But as we continue to grow, our burdens of life inevitably grow too. We realize we need to be equipped with great mental and physical strength so that we can shoulder the responsibility well and efficiently. When we are adults ("a man"), we put away childish things. That is supposed to be only natural, isn't it? Well, it's always easier said than done. Despite having many adults amidst us, they do many childish things as well. ):

Without further ado, here they go!

Tell It To Jesus Alone

i.
Are you weary, are you heavy-hearted?
Tell it to Jesus,
Tell it to Jesus,
Are you grieving over joy departed,
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Refrain:
Tell it to Jesus
Tell it to Jesus
He is a friend that's well known
You have no other such a friend or brother,
Tell it to Jesus alone.

ii.
Do your tears flow down your cheeks unbidden?
Tell it to Jesus,
Tell it to Jesus,
Have you sins that to man's eye are hidden?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Refrain:
Tell it to Jesus
Tell it to Jesus
He is a friend that's well known
You have no other such a friend or brother,
Tell it to Jesus alone.

iii.
Do you fear the gath'ring clouds of sorrow?
Tell it to Jesus
Tell it to Jesus
Are you anxious what will be tomorrow?
Tell it to Jesus alone.

Refrain:
Tell it to Jesus
Tell it to Jesus
He is a friend that's well known
You have no other such a friend or brother,
Tell it to Jesus alone.

[I checked a few sites but failed to find the mp3 or anything media.]

A Common Love
Click here to listen to the song

A common love for each other,
A common gift to the Savior
A common bond holding us to the Lord
A common strength when we're weary
A common hope for tomorrow
A common joy in the truth of God's word

They are no-copy-and-paste work! I typed every word up there and I am doing this with only one intention: sincerity.

Hope they make you feel better and smile :)

When the mind strays

2009-07-20T03:41:00.007+02:00

When the mind strays, all is lost, even one's own soul. No voice could reach her. Even she has forsaken her god. For a while.
When conflicts occur and one leaves, without a word, without goodbyes, how sad, how disappointing, how small the relationship turned out to be.
When loved ones are far apart and we miss each other every other day, we worry, we pray, we think and we love. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. :)

Home.
Who says we can't go home again? (I pity George Webber though. No, not that radio personality. He's a book character. Go figure.)
Even the father welcomes back his prodigal son. So no home would ever deny one's own child. Only a fool would do so.
Where is my home? Where is yours? Where is his? Where is hers?
The temple of God, my salvation, my refuge, my repository.
Somewhere I belong to. And the fact never changes. No, it shan't change.

Will I be able to be normal again, feel the normal feelings that a normal person will feel?
Will I be able to find myself again, and extricate myself from the tangles of numbness, orientation loss and thus be able once again to cast my cares upon others, like how God does for me?
Will I be able to love again?
Will I be able to look at the face of friendship at the same value once again? What is friendship? Is it really a farce? Cheap, selfish, self-centered, prideful friendship? Or selfish, insincere, thoughtless, unmotivated friendship? Or friendship that is masked by jealousy? Or forgotten friendship? Lost in your own deep troubles and loneliness, that you forget others? Am I not the same then? Shall I stop caring then? And even then, people who take friendship too seriously, who clung on it too much suffocates it, kills it and loses it dearly. It is too bad they did not find the right way to respect the way it should be. It is too bad they thought they could be as lawless as possible in what they deemed as true friendship. Hey, true friendship isn't about showing all the bad sides, no, it's about bringing out the good sides of one another and maintaining one's sanity by keeping those pure and delicate feelings cherished, respecting one another, listening to one another and not be dominant over the other. Love thy neighbor as thyself.
Or friendship that's blended with both sides? How do we balance that? How do we accept the bad as readily as we accept the good? Do we have the heart big enough to control that? Is it a one-man's job? It always take two to clap, doesn't it?
Sometimes, we feel, "Hey, stop being so bossy or self-righteous (just because you think you know better), [whatever name or word that describes that person]!"
Sometimes, we feel, "She/He must be heartbroken. I will go try consoling her/him".
Sometimes, we feel, "Here he comes with a motive again; what does he want this time?"
And sometimes we feel, "Oh he's so sweet. That is so sweet." Hmm, like how my friend dropped by today to show me some of the photos he took and printed.

See, friendship DOESN'T NEED A REASON. AMEN.

Back then and even now, I usually felt/feel, "Silence is golden. I don't have to say or tell out everything I know because I realize in those times when I did that that I assume an annoying Miss-Know-It-All personality and give everything all out from A-Z." That sucks. It's either being quiet or everything comes out. And so it's good to always pretend that I don't know anything in the end, or so I thought. Condense! Condense! Wait, how do I do that?

Silly, isn't it?

I may not look like it but like others, I do understand a great deal about something or someone with silent observation alone.
Find it strange or freaky or creepy, but it became something that I enjoy doing. It's the figuring-things-out process that intrigues me. Because, as the saying goes, we must never judge a book by its cover.

And so began the romance of being a mystery/thriller cult follower. Come to think about it, The Bone Collector (1995) was the first thriller film I fell in love with. And the rest.. was history :D
I assure you that my ardor definitely did not begin from the grandeur of the names that regarded the acting roles of the film. As a matter of fact, I was too naive and young to even care about who they really were then. It was the content and the depth of the characters of the film that always mattered.

By the way,
If you're reading this, hi R. It has been too long since I wrote anything, hasn't it?

And hi dormant L. If you're reading this, it's most probably because I ask you to. LOL. Okay, that insinuates me being desperate or instructive or something just plain bad. Not at all, of course. Sharing is caring. :D

And since I love spreading the word so much, I have to proclaim that someone needs to stop me from listening to the song "Mad World" (Gary Jules////Adam Lambert). I am rather fond of the lyrics, you see.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere
Their tears are fillin' up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

Children waitin' for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sits and listen, sits and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world
A raunchy young world
Mad world

Don't ask me how long I've been dwelling on this. Just give me a happier song, please.

An extra sidedish

2009-05-25T22:24:00.008+02:00

Oh oh look at this. Terminator Salvation. Oh maaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn, looks like I'm going to be disappointed real HARD. I LOVED The Terminator series! Not that I'm taking the reviewer's word and opinion literally-I don't even know his taste in movies- but LOOK AT THIS. 34%!!!!!
"Even the terminators seem bored"
LOL!
51% on MetaCritic- slightly higher...

Roger Ebert gave it a two star.

Hmmmm.... time is a factor. I always need to watch it for myself but with such bad reviews, I'd do it perhaps very much later. In one year? Or....maybe not. *shrugs*

Ling, Star Trek's rating's 95%. Wow. Okay..hmmm... I was no fan of Star Trek.. Still won't make it a must-watch movie for now. But I may watch it one day and surprise myself. Well, you liked it. And I trust your taste.
But Burn After Reading- I didn't watch it till the end yet- but I was actually laughing away watching the first third of the movie. And WHEN I was LAUGHING away, I could picture you staring at me in HORROR, thinking "what the heck is wrong with you???" hahahaha. It was a pointless comedy anyway-true enough. And I think that was the very thing I needed. Still need it anyway, believe it or not. :P

Blood. You like it?

2009-05-25T21:16:00.006+02:00

Thanks to a fellow member of a wonderful website, I found out about the books' existence.

THE STRAIN TRILOGY A very cool website by the way.
Relating post- I know I am really, really late on this already.

Now here's a REAL VAMPIRE story. You know what I mean.

By the way, if you haven't watched Pan's Labyrinth, sighs...then you really have missed out on enjoying a really good motion picture. It's a Spanish motion picture by the way, so look for the ones that provide English subtitles, unless you are Spanish literate of course. Ah speaking about the language, I remember a friend telling me that the grammar of the language used in various countries happen to be the same, it's just the words or vocab that might differ, didn't really get what she meant by that- most probably analogous to American and British use of words I guess. In contrast to that, the Portuguese language used in different countries have entirely different use of grammar. That was some interesting fact she told me. I'm penning it down just in case I forget in the future. My poor, poor memory never serves me well.

On wisdom

2009-05-23T00:01:00.001+02:00

The Clever Man Tells, the Wise Man Knows Quietly The Clever Man Tells, the Wise Man Knows Quietly Bill Allin New people we meet are clever, wise or ignorant. The ignorant ones put on the best show, but have little to offer to others. Read on to learn the difference between the celever ones and the wise ones.

Publish at Scribd or explore others: School Work Non-fiction people questions

Bill Allin's post is strictly his, not mine.

Winter

2009-05-21T10:38:00.005+02:00

-Les Diablerets, Switzerland, 2007 The Winter Trip with my parents

There are few who can grow old with a good grace.
-Sir Richard Steele

Snow can wait, I forgot my mittens
Wipe my nose, get my new boots on
I get a little warm in my heart when I think of winter
I put my hand in my father's glove

I run off where the drifts get deeper
Sleeping beauty trips me with a frown
I hear a voice, you must learn to stand up
For yourself, 'cause I can't all be around

He says, when you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?

'Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change, my dear

Boys get discovered as winter melts
Flowers competing for the sun
Years go by and I'm here still waiting
Withering where some snowman was

Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace
But I only can see myself
Skating around the truth who I am
But I know dad the ice is getting thin

When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?

'Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses are still in bed
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change, my dear

Hair is grey and the fires are burning
So many dreams on the shelf
You say I wanted you to be proud of me
I always wanted that myself

He says, when you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
When you gonna make up your mind?

'Cause things are gonna change so fast
All the white horses have gone ahead
I tell you that I'll always want you near
You say that things change, my dear
Never change, all the white horses

The phrase, "white horses" is said to be cited from the poem "After all the white horses" by E.E. Cummings.

After All White Horses Are In Bed

after all the white horses are in bed
will you walking beside me, my very lady,
if scarcely the somewhat city
wiggles in considerable twilight

touch (now) with a suddenly unsaid

gesture lightly my eyes?
And send life out of me and the night
absolutely into me. . . . a wise
and puerile moving of your arm will
do suddenly that will do
more than heroes beautifully in shrill
armour colliding on huge blue horses,
and the poets looked at them, and made verses,

through the sharp light cryingly as the knights flew.

-- E.E. Cummings

Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness

2009-05-18T01:55:00.002+02:00

I couldn't help tearing while I watched the video. More information about the movie can be found here.

Mood: It's a sad, sad day.

Gratitude

2009-05-14T19:44:00.003+02:00

Blessings.

It is what everyone needs to thank for in prayers.

P.s. Thank you, God for making my day today. I finally have decided on what I really have to focus on from now onwards.

Conscience

2009-05-13T06:05:00.002+02:00

Forgiveness.
It is what everyone needs in prayer.

Smiles

2009-05-07T20:58:00.003+02:00

A few days ago, as my friends and I were heading home from class, we encountered a very interesting boy who looked like a six or seven year-old. With a face filled with bright smiles, he walked towards us and greeted us with a "Hello. Have a nice day. Hello." That melted my heart and left me in a stupor for a moment. It was such a sweet meeting. Waving at us a bye in the end, I managed a small wave and a bright smile back at him before he turned and left.

And you know what, that made my day.
Nah, I think it made my week. :) Cuz I'm still thinking about that cute friendly child.

Anger management?

2009-05-03T22:37:00.003+02:00

I was so mad at everything today. I was so mad at the news I received from my parents (no, not that I'm mad at them or anything like that). I was mad at myself. I was so mad I slept the whole afternoon. I threw my precious afternoon away. Like usual.
I am still mad actually. A couple of moments ago, subconsciously, I found my fingers typing in Google Search on the toolbar above these words:
"I am so mad" I stopped when the list of choices that could help to save time and allow me to pick appeared. I laughed.
Choice 1: I am so mad at my boyfriend
Choice 2: I am so mad at my husband
Choice 3: I am so mad that I cannot believe
Choice 4: I am so mad at my mom
Choice 5: I am so mad right now.

It looks like only girls/women would do things like these.
I don't see any words that spell "I'm so mad at my girlfriend/wife".

But I'm not going to write what I'm mad about here. Typed virtual words can never get erased, no. I'd erase that in my heart and forget about it.

I watched The Notebook today. It was enchanting. I didn't find it stupid. It didn't leave a deep mark like what Lost in Translation LIT did for a week (Yes I watched it last week). The Notebook made me cry, I couldn't help it. But that was it. I don't feel anything now anymore. More like it took away that mark from LIT I couldn't get rid of. LIT taught the meaning of knowing the feeling of loneliness (yeah, no surprise, which I know already). All the more I could understand it best when I knew what it feels like to live in a foreign country you can't understand at all. I think that's why the feeling remained. The final scene was one of the best scenes I've ever watched in my life. That was genius of Sofia to think of that. It became something so personal to them that we aren't just the audience of a film screening right in front of us anymore, we became part of the scene. How cool was that. "Best Screenwriting" Oscar. How true.

The Notebook on the other hand was about true love. And being true and honest to yourself. If you want it, just go for it. Don't do things half-heartedly. It was like a beautiful fairytale that might come true. Ah well maybe except for the last scene.
I would want a love like that.

Being half-hearted is something characteristic of me if anyone knows me well enough. I can't trust myself enough to move forward and work.
Many things I heard today thrust me back into reality. Being all alone sure does me no good. It ain't sight unseen matter to make me open my eyes and heart knowingly. I'm sorry to say that I am that stupid.

And it's stupid to be half-hearted in things that do really matter.
Sighs.

But one thing I know for sure now- I am not mad anymore. :)

Swine Flu: Be on your toes

2009-05-01T00:38:00.002+02:00

2009-04-29T02:31:00.002+02:00

A friend sent me an email of this video recently:

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

I found this video link on another fellow blogger's page:

Susan Boyle

And found another video from the link above that really stunned me:
Flawless
That was a very sincere and heartfelt compliment from Simon :)

"Chase the dream, not the competition."
I'm with you, mates. Always the same motto at heart too. :)

It's the magic of risking everything for a dream that nobody sees but you.
-Million Dollar Baby 2004

That's all that matters.

What's your dream, my child?

"It's time to start living the life you've imagined.- Henry James"

A dream for me (and I believe there are many others too) to accomplish:

Chorus:
Lord, Make us instruments of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let your love increase
Lord, make us instruments of your peace,
Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease
When we are your instruments of peace.

Where there is hatred, we will show his love
Where there is injury, we will never judge
Where there is striving, we will speak his peace
To the millions crying for release,
We will be his instruments of peace

Lord, Make us instruments of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let your love increase
Lord, make us instruments of your peace,
Walls of pride and prejudice shall cease
When we are your instruments of peace.

Where there is blindness, we will pray for sight
where there is darkness, we will shine his light
Where there is sadness, we will bear their grief
To the millions crying for relief,
We will be your instruments of peace.

-Instruments of Peace by Kirk and Devy Dearman 1993 from Songs of Faith and Praise, Alton H. Howard

Up for something funny yet touching?

2009-04-12T01:24:00.001+02:00

Here's one for you:

The Eulogy

Post-April Fool Syndrome- let's play games

2009-04-02T02:19:00.005+02:00

AD: Are you sick of yesterday's pranks? Try something opposite here instead.

Important note: I am not malicious. I am very safe. And so is this post. If anything goes wrong, it's not my fault. It's your computer's. ;) And I don't like fooling people, it's pretty lame. I like playing games instead. It makes life more interesting and mysterious.

I'm going to "blindfold" you in this post. We'll play doctor and a blind patient today. I am the doctor and you will be the blind patient.

Here we go- follow my lead and trust me, my dear patient:

First,
1. Download a song here. If you trust me enough to do it. ;) If not, then don't and you can quit the game.

Then,
2. Click here to view a picture. Hint: Cute white pants!

Thirdly,
3. If you are willing to spend 8 more minutes of your life for something that may make your day, try this.

Lastly,
4. The end is always the best and the most important. If you haven't know, find out about this. I always feel a tad more smarter after reading stuff off this site.

If you have completed all four tasks,

Thank you for being a very good and obedient patient for the day. I am privileged to have one as you. It's apprehensive to be blind, isn't it? So are the real ones.

Sincerity

2009-03-28T23:40:00.002+01:00

When I was a child, I began to learn that the world is full of people who just don't care about other people but they themselves alone. People hurt others for self-gain or to satisfy the needs of one-self or because they didn't know how to be courteous to others or because they neglected other people's feelings and needs just because they thought they weren't that important after all in their lives. These may be my preconceptions, biased against many people back then; but now not anymore, because when I learned the ways of the world, I soon realized that my naive actions in the past hurt more people than I thought they wouldn't. People simply had to mature and grow and learn the right way to deal with others- in short; diplomacy and leadership skills. After all, the thing called friendship is something mysterious that carries a different definition for every individual.

Friday came and I thought that life would pass by as a quiet incident like usual. Never would I have ever thought that I would receive unexpected guests. I was not feeling well for a week now-I am feeling so much better today already, thanks to the medicine that my housemate gave me- and two friends dropped by and bought for me lunch. And I did not expect any friend to do such a sweet thing for me.

That chicken rice probably felt like the most delicious chicken rice I have ever tasted in my life. ;)

The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship.
Francis Bacon, Baron Verulam and Viscount of St Albans, 1561-1626

Thank you God for sending me angels in life.

Wings to fly

2009-03-21T19:57:00.005+01:00

Lyrics | Aladdin lyrics - A Whole New World lyrics

***

Sometimes I just need a break from the reality we live in. It gives new air for me to breathe from.
So I just can't help imagining myself living in a world I create on my own. A world with peace and serenity.
With everything smiling around me, I smile back with indescribable bliss.
With the wind blowing gently my hair away while I stand by the corner of the hill atop looking down at the beautiful river below, I close my eyes and listen to my surroundings; with my arms crossed over my chest.
Small little flowers are singing to me. So I sing back. Starting with a hum, I create my own melody; my own tune; my own lyrics; my own song.
I feel music flowing into this small world I create, the power gushing up, whirling around me, unimaginably strong and fast and opening my eyes, I watch colors splash across the sky, creating the most ever beautiful auroras. They are so near I could touch them, and that I unthinkably did.
Magic. Unimaginably imaginable.
And it gives me wings to fly. Like a caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly.

I want to change.

I try to be brave. I try to be strong. I try hard to escape my daydreams. I return to reality.

It's time to face the real music.

Way Back Into Love

2009-03-18T00:30:00.003+01:00

way back into love songs
free mp3s | free songs

Lyrics | Hugh Grant lyrics - Way Back Into Love lyrics

I actually miss watching this movie ;) But probably won't watch it again though- I have so many other movies lining up............waiting..........
Both Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore are like my all-time-favorites!

P.s. I suddenly thought of this guy and miss watching his movies too:

He has got to be one of the most good looking man out there ;)

Happy (Belated) Day of Birth, R

2009-03-17T20:40:00.006+01:00

"The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Twenty-two."
Ripped quote- yes, originally, it's forty-two from Douglas Adams, The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Our people's typical tardiness got me this time. Dang. I am 4 hours late but 3 hours saved. If you get what I mean ;)

Double number for you; going to be for me in a few months time. Man, I wish time could stop. You know what I told my roommate the other day, "I think I have lived long enough." LOL I sound like an old lady.

Hope you're happy where you are.

P.s. A fellow blogger, Lingghezhi wishes you Happy Birthday as well!

We send you butterflies of wishes across fiber optics and satellite signals!

Happy Birthday Comments

P.p.s. A car for you. You know why.

First impression

2009-03-14T21:59:00.004+01:00

We met our new ambassador for the first time today at his house. That was a very pleasant meeting indeed. He is such a funny and considerate gentleman! With a lovely wife too.
The occasion began with a brief speech from none but the ambassador himself- lovely (cliched) speech with a tinge of humor and friendliness. After the speech, we adjourned for the food prepared when he quickly put us into halt by reprimanding the boys who went ahead of the girls and said sharply, "LADIES first!" LOL

(Yes, sadly, guys here aren't gentlemen. Another sad fact- there aren't many gentlemen anymore I guess.)

And I noticed and observed the food prepared. What a great consideration put into it- the dishes were either all beef(with potatoes) or all vegetables or all chicken(with potatoes). So this means that Indians, non-beef eaters, and vegetarians will not need to worry about eating the wrong food at all. Something that people never took seriously before. He even hired chefs and helpers! We needn't worry about time constraint and helping for the first time! Very nicely done. ;)

He was very nice, even to everyone. He came to speak to everyone and was humble to come down to our level and joked around with us.

This just proves how true this statement is- "first impression matters the most". ;)

2009-03-14T20:24:00.002+01:00

"Little deeds of kindness, little words of love,
help to make earth happy, like heaven above"
Julia Fletcher Carney, 1823-1908 American teacher

~A very cute quote~ XD

I can't help remembering those touching moments when people around me showed their kindness during my worst moments of life. So sweet of them. I was really really touched by what so many people did for me. And the support- oh my... These will be the things that remain indelible in my heart for life. Cross-My-Heart :)

I can't thank God enough.

Secret to happiness

2009-03-06T19:49:00.007+01:00

How happy is he born and taught
That serveth not another's will;
Whose armour is his honest thought,
And simple truth his utmost skill!
- Sir Henry Wotton, 1568-1639, English diplomat and poet

Before I begin, I would like to introduce a rather admirable character- one whom I could call a best friend if we ever meet in this life!

Most of the people in this world would have probably know who this person is already- I know that. (In fact, it's a really old story already- even though I bet he wouldn't want me to say this because he knows and understands that not everyone in this world will know about him yet-anyway that's not the point here)

If you have watched the video,
See the point where I am getting to now?
Did you just see how happy he really is?

I can understand the pain and denial that he had to go through simply because I did went through similar mental torture- and the only difference between us is that he was born with the problem and I was "gifted" with the situation at the age of 19- MED SCHOOL. Nobody should ever ever ever take medicine lightly- even if you are the best worker in your department, you have a great career in your life, you have great success blah blah blah. I am not saying that it is the most difficult studies in the world. I am not saying that you can call yourself great if you are a med student and you survived this course at the end of it. In fact, it is the opposite. Because I will say; seriously, don't be proud of me; there's nothing to be proud of. Perhaps most of us (med students) will say too: don't be proud of us- there's nothing to be proud of. Because whatever we studied so hard for years can be thrown into the drain so very very very easily when we can't even diagnose a patient properly. What can we say more about saving a patient's life then. We can save our breaths bragging till we find ourselves running up and about trying and trying and trying even if the hope seems so frail and little. The very one thing great that I can speak about medicine at least is that it teaches you the real meaning of humility.

I remember listening to a doctor from home who came visiting us here in town. She was relating her experience to us and I remember sitting there stunned, almost driven to tears. She had two patients who suddenly started bleeding profusely at 4 or 5 am. To her knowledge and dismay, the hospital ran out of the blood at that moment. I can't remember well but if I was not wrong, she was the only doctor on duty that night. She went down to the ambulance and found the driver only to find that this driver too sleepy and tired so much so that he couldn't drive out that night. She said that people know this driver very well. You can never ever get him to work when he's really sleepy. Bad luck. He gave the keys to her. She didn't know how to drive. Second bad luck. She ran all the way as fast as her legs could carry her to the nearest blood bank. With the little hope in her. With the determination in her. With the strength that she could thrive out. She arrived at the blood bank, panting, asking for the blood to be prepared. The person on duty was surprised to see her exhausted- no, even surprised to see her presence and said something like, "wow, the ambulance driver actually took you here?". Doctor replied, "No my dear, I ran here." She got her two bags of blood- mind you, they were heavy, and ran all the way back to the hospital only to find that the two patients did not make it-they bled to death. That story really opened my eyes and taught me this- if you want to be a good doctor, you have to have unconditional love for your patients-one of the most important rules. Second important lesson- teamwork- you gotta find your (soul) teammates and make it work- it's not about talent or how smart you are- it's sacrifice and the more hands you have, the better- and mind you, for a stranger who is a patient- be it a noble or a criminal, be it of different race- simply because the person is a human being whom we have responsibility for.

Easy to say, hard to do.

I got a message from my dad a few days ago which informed me that a virus infected my friend and that he was hospitalized and that he is in a very bad condition and that he needs prayers. I emailed my friend's dad immediately and I got a reply from him the day after. He was already in Perth then and told me of his condition. You know how I felt at that moment, "oh my gosh, I have never felt so helpless because I realize I could do nothing to help this friend of mine nor his family." Nothing.

You want a secret to happiness?
Seek the meaning of humility and wisdom. Seek to improve your character by being humble enough to admit your mistakes and grow from there. Seek wisdom and you will see the bigger picture of everything. Get along well with people around you with sincerity and warmth from your heart without prejudice. Be yourself, stay true to your identity and give value to that identity you have earned so hard. Be pure-not naive because naivety can hurt many people, yes, it hurts deeply- but more importantly: be wise, humble, patient, gentle and loving.

I can't remember if I have mentioned this in this blog before:
Every great person we know in this world came from a humble beginning. Because life is not a bed of roses. Because life is not meant to be a bed of roses. Because if it is so, we would be spoiled brats with pride and arrogance as great as Mauna Kea Mountain- well, one thing that I will be honest to say directly; save your pride for somebody else if you wish to communicate with me- I don't need that from anybody. Because hey you know what, pride goes before a fall. How true the saying is.

Start with honesty. Be honest with yourself- and ask yourself this question: will I be happy if I do this? Am I brave enough to go for the narrow, dangerous-looking road that few people will tread on-I'm not talking only about Christianity here but anything in this world-job, family, love, friendship, humanity, studies, poverty, etc- and survive? Don't be afraid of death- we will all eventually die. Don't be afraid of losing everything- you are not finished as long as you have hope and determination and that you're living, breathing. Don't take those precious attributes away from you- you will be miserable if you do.
Be productive, have interest and passion, be accepting and try. Make an effort even if you don't like it at first. You can't always have things your way in life. You need a lot of sacrifice for that to happen. But it is not impossible to have the outcome you desire in the end, if you are determined and resolute enough to pull yourself through all the ordeal you have to go through. It is not suffering, it is not torture-those are negative point of views-if you take it from the positive light- it is experience, it is growing, it is learning. Because learning comes in different forms and I agree that Pain is one of the best teachers in the world.

Despite of how much I wrote, I have a lot to learn still. I lack in many areas that many have already achieved. God willing to make things fall into place for me.

Human felicity is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day.
Be in general virtuous, and you will be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin

Unbroken happiness is a bore; it should have ups and downs.
-Moliere [Jean-Baptiste Poquelin], 1622-73, French Playwright

One would suffer a great deal to be happy.
-Lady Mary Wortley Montagu, 1689-1762, English writer

Compassion

2009-02-28T16:10:00.007+01:00

I received this email from a dear friend of mine recently-the story that the email contained brought tears to my eyes and then I knew that I just have to share it here. I don't know how old this email is- it may be new, it may be old- but for the sake of the people who have yet to come upon this beautiful story, I am extending this piece of experience to them.

*****
Breakfast at McDonald's

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.

The last class I had to take was Sociology.

The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called, 'Smile.'

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.

I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway. So, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning.

It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.

We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.

I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.

As I turned around I smelled a horrible 'dirty body' smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men..

As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was 'smiling'

His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.

He said, 'Good day' as he counted the few coins he had been clutching..

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.

I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.

He said, 'Coffee is all Miss' because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).

Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.

That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.

I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.

He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, 'Thank you.'

I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'

I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, 'That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope..'

We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.

We are not church goers, but we are believers.

That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.

I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.

I turned in 'my project' and the instructor read it.

Then she looked up at me and said, 'Can I share this?'

I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.

In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my son, the instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.

I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn:

UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to

LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS -

NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.

*****
One of the very important example that Jesus taught us in the Bible is the very same value shown by this woman in the story. Like R mentioned in his blog, R for Randall, it reminds me also of the Parable of the Good Samaritan from the book of Luke.
Like I always say, we need to have application in our lives. The book of James teaches us so. You can read and learn more about what James has to say here.

There is one part that I find a little "disagreeable" though- I want to make it sound delicate because rationally, what she said was wise and not wrong:- (the part in italic):
"I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, 'I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope.'"
I personally feel that it should be more than just that.
Think about why I feel so.
It's a question of sincerity. It's a question of having a bigger but wise heart. It's a question of understanding God and His teachings.

This is one value which I have always taught myself since I was little because I did believe in the greater good- till at one point, I find myself actually losing it. Yes, I completely lost that simple innocent thought that I instilled in me till only recently, when I started picking the pieces of myself back up again. I went through a whole period of depression; I was broken and lost, only finding myself hanging unto God and His guidance- the only one thing that I could do. And now, I find myself getting out of the shell and seeing the old light that I lost and a new light which is teaching me many new beautiful things in this life.
And I was thinking about what R said to me last night, "Drastic changes usually don't end up well." Even my roommate felt that I am changing drastically.
I told R, "Then I will surprise you. Because I am loving myself more than ever."
Because this is the true me. The me who was young me when I was pure and untainted was someone I loved dearly. Like God loves little children and their innocence and purity, so do I.
Nevertheless, I realize one important thing though. This is not a drastic change. God teaches us to be fruitful and the results are only showing now. I have been revolutionizing my mind, mentality and character ever since the beginning of last year. I have been doing major thinking, philosophizing and re-evaluating myself and the situation that I am in and how I should deal with them. But intentions and thoughts and beliefs will only remain as intentions and thoughts and beliefs until I put them into practice and works. And I am glad and grateful to God because it looks like it's going the right way. And by no means am I having the intentions of being boastful. I guess I have this habit of making self-explanations because not only do I want people not to misunderstand me, I do want understand myself clearly too. But maybe I shouldn't reveal so much. Life is more interesting when you discover things and people yourself, isn't it?

P.s.
Let us share something together:
"What is my secret to happiness?" is the title that I will be working on for my next post. R, may I tag you with this title, please? *smiles with a tongue-in-the-cheek manner*
The theme centers around ideas like "What does happiness mean to you? What makes you happy? Do you think happiness helps you to discover yourself- or perhaps one of the major factors that influence the discovery of your current identity? If not, what are the other factors then? etc etc (you can talk about anything actually, not necessarily specifically those- I encourage heart-felt and meaningful sharing! You know, I feel this is what "tagging" should really be all about =) Okok, it feels like I'm becoming a very demanding person now.. Do what you like. But if you don't have the time, it's okay. I understand. It's just a personal request that you can turn down.

I assure everybody one thing, I don't need to read Rhonda Byrne's piece of work to discover my secret of happiness. From the way I heard about her writing, according to someone I know, he mentioned this specifically; "it carries an anti-Christian perspective of life and existence." Maybe, one day when I have the time, I shall read her side of story and see what he meant by that. I don't want to accuse or be pointing fingers at anybody of course. Because I want to discover the truth myself. We all have our own opinions and opinions always differ when we have a different stand, when we see things from a different perspective.

Verse of the day:
1 Timothy 1:5
Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned

One more video for the day.

2009-02-24T23:18:00.004+01:00

Okay okay, before I log off, there's this another video which I just have to share with friends as well. I was so very touched by it. I shared it with a few friends already and one of them is also from Latin America and boy, was I glad to share it with her!! I was just overwhelmed listening to his wise and beautiful speech and then, I found myself clapping at the end of it like a nutter! Gosh, clapping is becoming an addiction for me! This form of action is such a good motivator! LOL But unfortunately it makes me look stupid. Nah... I don't care. =) Cuz' that's just me.

Jose Abreu: TED Prize Winner

My favorite part of the speech:

-Arnold Toynbee once said that the world was suffering from a huge spiritual crisis. Not an economic or a social crisis but a spiritual one. I believe to confront one such crisis, only art and religion can give proper answers to humanity, to mankind's deepest aspirations, and to the historic demands of our times. Being the educator, the synthesis of wisdom and knowledge, it's the means to strive for a more perfect, more aware, more noble and more just society- Jose Abreu

You know, when he was saying that, it felt like he was reading my mind and heart. =) Simply because I have always personally have this belief ever since I was young- I can't even remember when anymore. Probably, it started when I first read about people's suffering and the poverty that was spreading around Africa. I remember, in primary school, there was this article in a magazine that first taught me about why we shouldn't waste our food. It wrote about the poor and starving children in Africa that were surviving on things like worms or anything that they could find edible. Well, my mom had always, always been reminding me since I was little that I shouldn't waste my food and I guess I was taking her words for granted till that moment of reading that article came and hit me so hard, that I can still remember about it now. Man, I can still even remember the picture on the article too. Whoa. I'm surprised at myself.

The unsung heroes of the world will always have a great story to tell, that's what I always believe too. =) And I'm looking forward to discovering those stories. Because I love stories. And I love story tellers that make my life colorful. That's why I love every color that exists in this world. Because each color has a story to tell. Isn't it interesting to find out what those stories are? =)

Send the message out!

2009-02-24T19:49:00.007+01:00

Hello everybody! How are you today? I wish from the bottom of my heart that
1)you had a great day or
2)you will begin your day with a smile on your face and in your heart or
3)you're probably in the middle of the day already and so, do spend the rest of the day by putting a cheerful air about you! =)

A friend of mine shared with me a really cool philosophy of his life recently- I can't remember all the exact words that he said (since he said that weeks ago!) but this is the general idea of them:
"I like to be happy. I want to make people happy too because I feel happy when they are happy!"

Don't you feel encouraged by those words?! I felt really encouraged when he said those things! Because believe! that there is someone out there in this world who wishes you to be happy, regardless of the fact whether you're a stranger or not! Okay... wait a minute... correction, there are PEOPLE (not just someone) because that includes me too! =)

Each and everyone of us has our own way of feeling happy. As for me, I started my day today with reading the bible. =) Sparking interest turned into fire and understanding dawned upon me and the rest of the day is history! Even my classmate asked me, "Why are you so happy?!" And don't you notice, when you smile at your friends, your friends smile back at you too? Because you know what, being happy and positive and motivating is contagious! Spread the happiness around and it will make your day!

I know.. it's easier said than done. Hmmm okay... let's check out this really cool video (yes, the very same friend recommended this video to me!):

Banjamin Zander on Music and Passion- Classical music with shining eyes

And you know what's my favorite part??? The CLAPPING part and the fact that he related that to an experience he had with kids as audience! Watch it! Come on.... it's just 20 minutes- it'll be the shortest 20 minutes of your life! The best part is in the ending- (yes, the best part always comes last)
It may change your outlook on your life or you may already the same outlook on life and so you might feel excited like, "Yes! I found a mate in a stranger who shares the same hope as I do- bravo!"

Spread the joy because trust me, life holds a precious value when you do something meaningful- (well, that's my philosophy of life! =)!)

Credits to A (yes, that very same friend lol)

-I would never say anything that couldn't stand as the last thing I'll ever say-
-"Why am I clapping?" One of the little kids said "cause we were listening!"-

Last note: Yes, check out the website- www.ted.com now!

~Smiley Face~

A very very very important reminder

2009-02-22T13:06:00.002+01:00

I like reading articles off the net once in a while. What happened was this: I receive weekly updates on Kuala Lumpur Church of Christ's website and when I was checking through my mails yesterday, I realized that I haven't been visiting their website lately, and so I did it and yes! I received a good reward in return =) And I feel that I need to share this too because it is a very important reminder to Christians- I don't know if it is okay to post the excerpt here, if it isn't then somebody please alert me so that I can take it down in no time. But I will post it anyway for now.

What Members Of A Congregation Owe To Each Other

by Robert Meredith

There are many things that can cause problems within a congregation. Some of those problems are doctrinal. It is sad that many congregations no longer care about the “old paths” set forth by God. Some are concerned more with numbers than they are real growth. Another source of problems within a congregation is how the membership “gets along.” The Scriptures teach us (Titus 2:12) that as brothers and sisters in Christ, we owe certain things to each other. Let us notice a few things that hopefully will help us be what God would have us to be.

The basis of Christian relationships is love (1 Corinthians 13:1-7). A Christian must show love towards others of like faith (2 Peter 1:7). This love will manifest itself by different characteristics, one of which will be a general caring for others. The Apostle Paul wrote, “Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others” (Philippians 2:4). This verse simply means to put others ahead of yourself. If Christians would seek to fulfill this command, they would find that they would begin to grow spiritually. Christ is our great example in this area. He did not come to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:28), and Christians owe it to themselves and others to put others ahead of self. This caring about others will help develop warmth in relationships, sincerity in character and sympathy in other’s struggles.

Another quality that members of a congregation owe to each other is patience. The Apostle Paul instructed Christians to have this characteristic in Ephesians 4:2, “With all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love. Patience will manifest itself by one’s being slow to criticize others. Unwarranted criticism can cause tension which will disrupt the peace and harmony of a congregation. Some criticism is required, but patience and wisdom will cause one to offer constructive criticism when it is needed, not before. Patience will also cause one to seek to restore those who have fallen away from Christ. Paul penned, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:1-2). Christians should be long-suffering with other, and some need to be strengthened more than others. Some individuals need help more than others because of spiritual immaturity, being young in the faith or enduring a trial that caused them to stumble. Other Christians owe them patience as they try to restore them.

Respect is another thing which members of the church owe to one another. The fact that one is a sibling in Christ makes one worthy of respect. Respect for one another can be seen by talking and listening to others. “Clicks” harm a congregation’s growth. It is true that people will spend more time with people their own age or people with whom they have more in common; however, one should not be too restricted in his associations. Conversing with everyone and showing that you care about their needs will greatly encourage them and will benefit you even more. Years ago, at another congregation, I was asked by the elders there to start a visitation program. This was a great work and hopefully much good was accomplished through that work. When I was organizing teams, I was informed that certain people should not be put with certain others because they did not get along. My friends, if children of God can not get along on earth, how do you expect them to be in heaven together? Respect is also shown in being courteous. Being kind and considerate of others is essential to being a Christian (Ephesians 4:32).

Members of a congregation also owe to other members enough love to practice what the Lord commands concerning church discipline. When one has departed from God, Christians must go to that individual in an attempt to win him back (James 5:19-20). By following Jesus’ instruction as found in Matthew 18:15-17, members of the church are demonstrating love for God, His church, His word and His wayward child. If you were physically lost, would not you want your loved ones to make every effort to find you and bring you home safely? How much more grave are the eternal consequences for a person who is spiritually lost. One should make every effort to find that lost sibling and encourage him to return to God’s grace. Sometimes that requires “tough love;” the withdrawal of fellowship to prompt the person to repent.

Members of a congregation owe other members so much. Visits to those who are sick, or bereaved over the loss of a loved one are other things that we owe one another. There are so many areas in which most Christians need to grow. Let us strive to help others, and in so doing we will be helping ourselves even more.

Disclaimer: This excerpt has been taken from klcc.faithsite.com

Sharing

2009-02-21T09:53:00.006+01:00

I love people who love God. It's pretty amazing how we can speak to each other so easily and be so comfortable even though we're strangers.

We have hope. And that hope comes with charity and faith, we all know that. And that is good to hear because God is good. And it feels so good to share our faith together.

Amazing sermons always bring me to tears. Because whatever that is preached is true and it speaks of God and His word.

I love to always continually talk about God and what He has done for us in our lives and what we have learned from Him and the church. I yearn to be a better Christian, who upholds morality and virtues and not in the matter of excellence- you know, like taking bible exams and scoring great results in them- seriously, being a good student just by memorization is nothing to be proud of. We need to have application in our lives because we are living examples- to ourselves, to our friends, to our family and to strangers.

I always wonder why we are so caught up in the secular world that we forgot to speak about God and Christianity to our fellow church friends whenever we have the time to catch up with each other and hang out. It puts me into even more bigger surprise when I find myself talking about God and Bible and Church to strangers who love God as much so easily and so lovingly. Because, then, I know just how much I love God. And how much God loves me. And you. And basically everyone.

Love of a Christian is just simply amazing, isn't it?

Romans 1:17 For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.

I feel God has taught me so many things today. I don't even know how to put them into words. But today, peace and serenity came back to me again. I made good friends today. And I just realize how much I miss church and people teaching God's word and being around people who love God and church just as much. These are the precious precious things in my life that I miss most in my life. Because I don't want to move from this holy holy place. I don't want to move from the sweet embrace or the nearness of Your face.

I am resolute that from now onwards, there will be no more rubbish talk from me, no more excuses for negligence and being playful. Because I must continue my quest in seeking God and His righteousness. To be worthy in His presence. To be more Christ-like.

Every passage in the Bible is my favorite. So this passage below is one of my favorite that I would like to share:
1 Corinthians 2

1And I, brethren, when I came to you, came not with excellency of speech or of wisdom, declaring unto you the testimony of God.

2For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified.

3And I was with you in weakness, and in fear, and in much trembling.

4And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:

5That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

6Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the princes of this world, that come to nought:

7But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory:

8Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.

9But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

10But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.

11For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God.

12Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God.

13Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual.

14But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

15But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

16For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct him? but we have the mind of Christ.

Paul is an amazing example, isn't he? Having him preaching and always encouraging is just so fulfilling. Together, we always put God and Christ first in our minds and lives. Because God is so good, because He first loved us and we come to love Him too.

I love talking about God. I just simply love it. It's just a blessing to be able to talk about Him already, what more when we can share and find our true self in Him.

Someday, I want to be part of a missionary. That would be great. Yeah, why not? It is good to pursue a dream than to never have done anything at all. =)

Only gray

2009-02-12T15:25:00.003+01:00

Every exam period has always been a sad moment for me. But never had I imagine that a simple subject could put me down this much. R, your good luck pee didn't work.

And I have never been ever this disappointed in myself- Yes, I am utterly extremely wholly disappointed in myself.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time. But then again, I could never imagine myself going through that hell that I've been through last year again.

This course is really wearing me out. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Period.

Time and strength have are like my eternal enemies down to the core. More than these, the greatest enemy is myself. I wish I have photographic memory like Will Hunting's. I wish my brain could work and register faster like Albert Eistein's.

But I can't.

I lost myself.

God, what should I do?
I know I have to stand back up and start all over again once I got gunned down.
Time o time don't pull out something like this and leave me behind so fast.

There aren't colors anymore that I can see.

Only gray.

There are some crazy people who try hard to get you out there

2009-02-07T14:42:00.004+01:00

Verify Your Account now To Avoid It Closed‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏
From: Windows Live Team (jaqueline_cutey1@hotmail.com)

Dear Account User

CONFIRM YOUR WINDOWS LIVE ACCOUNT SERVICES. VERIFY YOUR HOTMAIL ACCOUNT NOW TO AVOID IT CLOSED !!!

This Email is from Hotmail Customer Care and we are sending it to every Hotmail Email User Accounts Owner for safety. we are having congestions due to the anonymous registration of Hotmail accounts so we are shutting down some Hotmail accounts and your account was among those to be deleted. We are sending this email to you so that you can verify and let us know if you still want to use this account. If you are still interested please confirm your account by filling the space below.Your User name, password, date of birth and your country information would be needed to verify your account.

Due to the congestion in all Hotmail users and removal of all unused Hotmail Accounts, Hotmail would be shutting down all unused Accounts, You will have to confirm your E-mail by filling out your Login Information below after clicking the reply button, or your account will be suspended within 24 hours for security reasons.

* Username: ..............................
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After following the instructions in the sheet, your account will not be interrupted and will continue as normal. Thanks for your attention to this request. We apologize for any inconveniences.

Warning!!! Account owner that refuses to update his/her account after two weeks of receiving this warning will lose his or her account permanently.

Sincerely,
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This is OFFICIALLY the second time I have received such an email.
I remember replying to the first email I received ages (okay, months) ago. And no, OF COURSE I did not give away my personal information.
Come to think about it now, the way I replied back then was so innocent =)I managed to dig it out of my "Sent" folder:

Sent: Sat 9/06/08 7:56 PM
To: datasectionupgrade@live.com

I'm sorry but how do I know if this is not a fake? I do not wish to give out my personal information to you, personnel who did not even introduce yourself. My details are all in the account; you could find them there easily if you are really managing the data in live.com. There are many bogus emails being sent; and the sender used a verizon.net account. I have never even heard of such account.

> From: bodeniyi@verizon.net
> Subject: Windows Live Account Update, Please Comply
> Date: Thu, 4 Sep 2008 18:51:34 -0700

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe I am laughing at the PAST ME who was a few months old younger!!!
Because the ME right now would have dumped it into the Deleted folder right away without hesitation- except for this one time alone- I was actually about to dump it into the folder when it occurred to me that "hey I gotta blog and tell the whole world about this!"
There may be people out there who are so sweet and young and innocent and naive and they could be tricked really easily by spammers/phishers.
So, YOU, if you think (know) you're one good girl/boy, don't fall into the hands of these predators and make yourself an easy prey.

Notice the email account. jaqueline_cutey1@hotmail.com??!! Maybe everyone should start spamming this account instead as well???? *mischievous grin*
Mark the grammar. Come on, look at the title: Verify Your Account now To Avoid It Closed‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏?! Okay, I know my grammar is not all immaculate but we have to watch out for these people.

It is time to wear our armor and keep our eyes and ears and mouths open!

"The wickedness of the world is so great you have to run your legs off to avoid having them stolen from under you.
[Threepenny Opera 1928]
Bertolt Brecht, 1898-1956"

He plays

2009-02-03T19:27:00.003+01:00

The Beginning:

I still remember vividly the first time I met you. You wore your favorite black shirt and jeans, with your hair cropped into a crew cut and your big hands residing always in your pocket jeans. It was a huge birthday bash my best friend threw and I was bored all evening around people whom I wasn't familiar with.

You didn't know me back then. I didn't either.

But your existence inscribed hard onto that chapter of the diary of my life when your gaze fell on me catching me staring at you and with a smug on your face, you walked towards the grand piano in the hall and fingered the keys gracefully, transforming the melodious music notes into the most beautiful Rachmaninov's piece I've ever heard.
Watching your lean calm back, I fell in love with you for the first time.
Nevertheless, when you ended your playing, I got a hold on myself, shrugging off the feeling as a foolish little crush and took off from the party with a rush of adrenaline blended with a heavy self-inflicted compunction. Love at first sight is a fool's illusion after all.
A week later, I visited my favorite music store. It was one of the most unique stores- unlike a typical one, this store has a piano in the middle and there will always be someone playing, be it a staff member or a regular customer. That's when I met you again, playing a different piece- it was a Debussy's.
And this time, you didn't play till the end. You stopped abruptly, looked up and caught me staring subconsciously at you again.
"You like the piano?"
That was the first time I heard your voice.
"Yeah." I nodded apprehensively.
"Do you play the piano?"
"Yeah." I nodded again.
"Do you want to play together?"
"Huh?!" I was startled by your offer.
"I'm asking if you would like to play a piano duet with me?" Your lips curled into a genuine smile.
I lifted my finger up and pointed it to myself, quipping, "Me?"
"Come on, join me; I can't play this piece alone." You started playing the Blue Danube Waltz duet style. Your eyes then beckoned me to fill in the empty space of the seat you were sitting on.
Responding to your persuasive invitation, I placed my fingers on the board and filled in the duet's part. We played and played all day.
"You played beautifully. What's your name?"
That was the first time you complimented me. And I realized, that's when I fell in love with you again.
"Christine." I blushed.
"And you have a beautiful name too. My name's Gary. Would you like to have tea with me?"

*****
The conclusion:

I looked at you with my tears streaming down my cheeks, ruining my make up at the same time. After a still moment of crying while you waited patiently for my answer, I looked into your eyes and nodded, saying, "Of course, my dear."

You gently took my hand, placed the ring through my fourth finger of my left hand and lifted my chin up lightly and drew your lips upon mine to give me the sweetest kiss ever.

The words you whispered into my ears were still echoing over and over again.
"Sweetie, will you marry me?"

"Baby, remember the song "Your call" by Secondhand Serenade?" I asked quietly.
" 'Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry; Call I'm desperate for your voice...' " you sang when I stopped you when I place my index finger on your lips.
"I was born to tell you I love you.." I sang with my choked voice, hugging him in the moment.
"I love you, baby. I love you, love you," I whispered.
"I love you too, my beautiful Christine."

*****
I remember writing this last year. I couldn't complete it because I had a lot of things to do then. Maybe I'll continue the story. And re-edit some parts. Such as the first encounter- it happened too fast.
This story always reminds me of the feeling that I had when I wrote it. It wasn't anything like me liking somebody at that moment at all, no. Inspiration came upon me and the feeling was like....magic... I know that's so Sleepless Nights in Seattle, but I understood the real meaning then. =)
Love is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

I'll love you, dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the mountain
And the salmon sing in the street.
I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky.

[As I Walked Out One Evening]
W.H. Auden, 1907-73, English born Poet

Going country again

2009-02-03T14:25:00.004+01:00

john denver songs
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Perhaps Love
John Denver & Placido Domingo
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some love is everything
And some say they don´t know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it’s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you.

I remember that when I first heard of this song, I fell in love with it immediately, having it replayed over and over again for days, no, weeks.

I absolutely love John's songs. And his voice too.

john denver songs
Download free mp3 | Download free music

Annie's Song/You Fill Up My Senses
John Denver
You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime,
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert,
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses,
Come fill me again.

Come let me love you,
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter,
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you,
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you,
Come love me again.

[Instrumental]

Let me give my life to you
Come let me love you,
Come love me again.

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime,
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert,
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses,
Come fill me again.

This song below was featured in one of my favorite anime movies- Whisper of the Heart (Yes, I LOVE Hayao Miyazaki's works!):

john denver songs
free Music download | free Mp3 download

Take Me Home, Country Roads
John Denver
Almost heaven, West Virginia
Blue ridge mountains
Shenandoah river -
Life is old there
Older than the trees
Younger than the mountains
Growin like a breeze

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

All my memories gathered round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrops in my eye

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads

Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, now country roads
Take me home, now country roads

john denver songs
Free mp3 download | free music download

Goodbye Again
John Denver
It's five o-clock this morning and the sun is on the rise
There's frosting on the windows pane, and sorrow in your eyes
The stars are fading quietly, the night is nearly gone
And so you turn away from me and tears begin to come

And it's goodbye again, I'm sorry to be leaving you,
Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again
And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go?

It seems a shame to leave you now, the days are soft and warm
I long to lay me down again and hold you in my arms
I long to kiss the tears away and bring you back your smile
But other voices beckon me for a little while.

And it's goodbye again, I'm sorry to be leaving you,
Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again
And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go?

I have to go and see some friends of mine, some that I don't know
and some who aren't familiar with my name
It's something that's inside of me, not hard to understand
it's anyone who'll listen to me sing.

And if your hours are empty now who am I to blame
You think if I were always here, our love would be the same
As it is the time we have, is worth the time alone
And lying by your side the greatest peace I've ever known.

And it's goodbye again, I'm sorry to be leaving you,
Goodbye again, cause if you didn't know, it's goodbye again
And I wish you could tell me, why do we always fight when I have to go

Inspired by innovation - JAKRI

2009-02-02T23:28:00.001+01:00

style="border: 0px;"
alt="Click to join JAKRI"/>

Click to join JAKRI

An excerpt from its Description:

"JAKRI Network group enables you to communicate, collaborate and interact with entrepreneurs, business owners and professionals around the globe.

The Network Group is powered by its active members from more than 25 countries.

JAKRI Network Group is a free directory of the best work-related articles available on the Internet. You can browse over 1500 articles online, ranging from Career Effectiveness, Entrepreneurship, Finance, Globalization, Leadership, Marketing, Strategy, Technology and Corporate Governance."

A title which has no title and meaning

2009-01-31T19:19:00.003+01:00

My life is FULL of distractions.

I have the internet.
I have friends.
And I have my MIND as the greatest distraction.

I'm not saying that those shortlisted stuff above are bad. Not at all. I didn't mean it that way at all. It's just that I have exam on Monday and I have tons to study. God help me....

It's night already! Time is sooooooooo not on my side.

But it was good to keep in touch with friends. And these are friends whom I haven't spoken to in MONTHS OR YEARS.

And you know what?
I feel great! I feel grateful that I have amazing friends who love me as I am and who accept as I am. And I ABSOLUTELY love them as they are as well =)
I feel blessed that we can share and laugh and cry together because we understand one another and we truly appreciate one another, not for the sake of the name in friendship, no, it's far beyond that, but because I am who I am, she is who she is and he is who he is. And we are all fellow workers of God and that we're comrades!

God is good! Because of Him, we're connected to each other. I bet we'll be total strangers without God. I bet my life will be a miserable one without God.

And you know what's even more amazing?
I found a HUGE missing piece of myself.
I find myself laughing heartily again. I find myself losing the "Oh! The-dead-serious-no-joke-self" of mine.
This year is going to be awesome. Because I'm finding back the love and joy which I have lost for these past several years.
And these are the experiences that I will never forget.
It makes me want to have a life more than the one I am holding on to now.
It makes me want to say to everyone and shake hands and say God bless you and your day so that you will be happy and remember that there is a God who loves you!

Oooooooopsssssss my beautiful lovely ever-caring housemate has just come into the room to encourage me to study... and yes so this means I have to end this addicted-to-blogging craze!

I am blessed with good friends. Thank you God for sending this beautiful people to me.

Okay, the next battle to win is MIND BATTLE. Because my mind is thinking unnaturally about many things now. You know, like how premonitions come to a person's mind in a movie you have watched, it's kinda like happening the same way: thoughts and answers to questions on the topic of life, people, etc that have been bugging me STRUCK me OVERFLOWINGLY. I don't know how to explain. It's like a curse that I have to end now because I have PATHOBIOCHEMISTRY to flood my mind with.

Ooohh wait... it's slowing down now... yes! they're gone. My mind is at peace.
Okay, pathobiochemistry here I come.
Please remember me in prayers if you can, whoever you are out there.

Coming out of the hole

2009-01-31T15:27:00.002+01:00

Life is like a riddle to me.

And I took way too many long roads to solve those stages of the riddle.

I arrived at many answers and realize today, that many of the answers are redundant.
My mind just couldn't stop working ever since yesterday as more and more revelations came pouring into it. I realize just how much I have actually shut my mind in for so long.

I'm finally making a real decision.
I'm moving on and taking real charge of my life.
I am the one caging myself in with self-doubt and fears.
Fear of losing everything.
Fear of making everyone unhappy. Because it makes me unhappy too.
Fear of upsetting someone, when you are one person who wants to help that someone more than anyone else in this world.

And I am going to change.

This is my revolution of the year... and for life.

"Thou shall make revolutions, not resolutions."
How cool is that, I wanna make myself feel a little bit conceited, cuz that's a stand I create for myself now. And if it's nothing new to anybody who has the same stand, hey, welcome me to your club, we're buddies for life.

Thank you, a dear friend of mine, you change my life again.

I feel good! DadaDadaDadaDadaDa!

2009-01-31T00:49:00.003+01:00

My friend taught me a very important lesson today:

Be happy. And you'll make everyone feel happy around you. =)

SMILE!!

Oh crap, I've been smiling like an idiot for no reason for an hour now!

Another day of enlightenment

2009-01-30T01:13:00.003+01:00

I'm going to throw it all away.

I'm going to start anew.

And yeah, generalization is something new that I disapprove now. So, if I have ever made one, I'm going to disregard it now. There are exceptions of course. There always are.

What I said about humans in general. There are always exceptions.

I shall remember today:
Behold, I send you forth as sheep amidst wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves

I can't help but...

2009-01-29T00:28:00.003+01:00

remembering Johnny Depp saying this word in Secret Window, a movie he starred in 4 years ago:

"RUBBERNECKER"

That made me laughed my head off back then and still now every time I recall it unintentionally from time to time.

Okay, actually that's not really the point that I wanted to say; I backtracked right in the beginning simply because I just couldn't get it off my head and now that it's cleared, I'm going straight back to the point:

Remember the post that wrote:

"We can't always have it our own way in life"?

I think many people fail to see and accept this nature or simply because they do not accept failure. People become more demanding and snobbish; they put you down when you do the wrong thing; they get upset when they don't get what they desire or vie for; they become pushy or resort to underhanded methods; they try to play God and lord over other people's lives; they who are stronger find themselves oppressing the weak, blah blah blah
The world is in darkness. People are becoming blind in the eyes and stone-cold in the heart. Tainted soul.

I watched The Butterfly Effect this morning. It's quite an old movie which I had always dreaded to watch back then because everyone who watched told me it was gory and violent. And being me, not a particular fan of pure violence, I avoided that movie till today. And boy was I wrong in doing that because yeah, despite of all those extreme elements that the movie contained, it carries many very important and heavy messages:

a) Everyone has a certain darkness in us. The factor that brings it out of us is always either the environment that we live in or our mental stability. Come on, look at Tommy.
b) Nobody deserves to play God. Nothing goes right. Evan learned it dead on.
c) You can't always get what you want in life; one has to sacrifice to get something; no pain, no gain.
d) Love comes in many forms, and the powerful love depicted here is one that lets go, simply because you have to protect the person you love at all costs; even if it means that you're the only one carrying the burden alone to your grave; because there is no one in this world that loves her/him as much as you do and you know that. And all you can do for that person is to give her a sacrificing selfless unconditional love- the most powerful form of love.

A movie that sent me off shrieking in shock and surprise so many times came to a close with an awesome ending which took my breath away. And ohhhh, Oasis rocked the finish even more with their "Stop crying your heart out."
P.s. Oasis is an awesome rock band. I simply love their songs! The reason why I watched this movie was because their song was featured here in the first place. LOL

The butterfly effect is actually a very very interesting Chaos Theory that was pioneered by Edward Lorenz, an American mathematician and meteorologist by profession. (He passed away in April, last year) The theory generally speaks about sensitive dependence on initial conditions in a dynamical system. Like how a slight change in the initial conditions can completely alter the direction into another. Well, it's pretty common sense, but it's really cool of Lorenz to even derive an equation out of it.

Oh, this movie is going to remain as one of the indelible movies that I have watched. Eric Bress and Jonathan Mackye Gruber are like super pairs when it comes to directing and script writing! 5 out of 5 stars.

CODE BLUE

2009-01-28T20:33:00.006+01:00

Doctor Heli Kinkyuu Kyumei

Sometimes exaggeration is not so bad after all- it makes it look cooler.

I revere their dedication- a doctor's dedication. "It is good to be a perfectionist."

Separation is an indispensable part of our lives.
Parting will surely come. At any time. But... we know. Just as there are
sad farewells, there are farewells for departures, farewells for facing the future. The only certainty is that separation makes people strong. - Dr. Aizawa Kosaku

Who's my favorite character here??
Dr Kuroda- a thoroughly amazing doctor- from the beginning till finish, he never forgets his role as a doctor; even after he took off his gown, because, hey you know what:
once a doctor, forever a doctor.

Watch it, it'll inspire you to be a greater person.
No spoilers, except that yeah, from the second title itself, it involves using helicopter as a means of transport to emergency locations- DR HELI.

Acceptance

2009-01-28T15:11:00.002+01:00

"We can't always have it our own way in life"

Death

2009-01-27T22:57:00.003+01:00

People find it difficult to accept and often enough they misunderstand but;

It takes a person with a really big heart; one with a generous and selfless heart to say;

"Don't be sad. Don't cry."

Because he meant,
"It is okay now, he/she has gone to a better place called heaven."

Because he thinks more of the person who left than the people left behind. But he understands the people left behind the same way everybody understands too, because he is also a person left behind after all and he considers himself as one of those very same people who were left behind too but consoles himself and also the people around him the same way (because it is good to share), just because he is simply a selfless person.

Living by faith

2009-01-27T19:50:00.005+01:00

Tho dark and dreary be life's away And burdens hard to bear;
There's One whose love will never fail, My heart shall ne'er despair.
My hope is staid in him today and He will safely lead;
To that sweet home beyond the sea, Christ's love is all I need.

Refrain:
Christ's love is all I need, (Oh, His love precious love's all I need,)
each day, (need each day)
I know, I know, Christ's precious love is all I need, (Yes, I know, precious love is all)
He'll lead me safely on life's way, (Oh He'll lead, yes, He'll lead safely on, on life's way)
I know, I know Christ's precious, precious love is all I need. (Oh, I know His love is all I need, I need)

The trials press on every side
And many snares there be
I look in simple faith to Him,
Who calmed the stormy sea.
He is the Shepherd kind and true, His sheep He'll ever feed
This cheers me on and makes me strong,
Christ's love is all I need.

Refrain

And when I hear the boatman's call,
Come cross the chilly tide;
I shall not fear to launch my barque,
For Christ is at my side.
He bore the sting of death for me,
Has met my every need;
And so I sing the sweet refrain, Christ's love is all I need.

Refrain
///
Christ's love is all I need
George W. Sides 1924

Extracted from the holy hymn book of Songs of Faith and Praise
Savior's leadership
Hymn 401
By no means am I using this opportunity to make profit from this copyrighted property which I do not own. Its purpose serves to share and that reason alone.

I always have this habit of opening a book randomly without having the intention of first seeking the content page in the front or the index page at the back. And thus, this was the page that I opened to and I remember we often sing this hymn in church, always reminding ourselves that His love is what we need and that His love guides our path that we take in life. It has always been an assurance to me in the past; now it becomes a testimony instead because I believed in Him, because I trust in Him, and hence because with that trust, I try hard to be myself and do what I can do.
And again, it proved to be true today.

It takes humility to be a better Christian. When you truly understand its true meaning, it opens your eyes to many things that many other people fail to see.
Thank you Lord for always, always being there for me, for making me stronger and stronger both in faith and mentally so that I can move on and continue the saga of achieving my dream. My dream is naught but a simple dream embezzled with a simple hope- to be a support to the ones who need to be strengthened, and not because I pity them, no, by all means, never but because I believe that everyone has his/her own unique strength- no one deserves to be looked down, no one deserves to put down another person, because everyone was born equal, as a human and a human who seeks his/her path- because discrimination is not worthy of its existence. Sadly, unfortunately, things are not the way as they should be; and humans are foolish creatures with great pride; and many decisions that the people who take control and have power hurt others who were weaker but desired to protect their stand in life too. I believe my path lies in the road of medicine, a hard long road that can make you cry and cry over and over again in the beginning, because the beginning is always the hardest, but adaptability ensues, and eventuality finds myself changing vastly.

Are you the lost one today, my child, or am I the one whom you find me entirely disagreeable because you deem me as a hypocrite and fake? I am a human too, with many mistakes that I made, with my foolishness and childishness, I am ashamed of the many things that I did as well. But I want to learn and change, because life is all about change, and you are all about the person who decides that you want to make a start to forsake a life you find yourself not happy in, not comfortable with, not loving as you hope it to be, not responsible as you know it should be.

I shall remind myself of this again and again:
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I become a man, I put away childish thoughts.

A clue is what you find in a brain

2009-01-26T11:48:00.002+01:00

Loads of time to kill?

Click

ZAHADA

if you think you're up to it

Curious what it's all about? Look down

Dreams are like wind in our sails

2009-01-23T18:23:00.004+01:00

heaven knows songs
free Mp3 downloads | free Music downloads

Guess guess: Which movie featured this song?

You're no dame, I'm no duke
Somehow love is a fluke
We've survived thick and thin
Taking knocks on the chin
In the eyes of the sad
We may be barking mad
But the truth has been ceased
We are like chalk and cheese

You wind me up and that drive you mad
It's a fact of life goes hand in hand
And I know that look, it's read like a book
And I realize...

I don't care what the world has to say
You should know that I love you
I love you, I love you today

I don't care what the world has to say
Heaven knows that (I love you, I love you today) I'm in love
x2

When the boat starts to rock,
And my ears try to block
all the words that you say
through the night, through the day
where there's muck, there is brass
and the storm soon will pass
then it's back to the norm
All the cold turns to warm

Sometimes I think life crawls like a snail
But all our dreams become the wind in your sails
Without wealth, it's true
Who cares what you do
And I realize

I don't care what the world has to say
You should know that I love you
I love you, I love you today

I don't care what the world has to say
Heaven knows that (I love you, I love you today) I'm in love
x2

I can feel the eyes behind us as we walk
I can see the ears that listen when we talk

I don't care what the world has to say
You should know that I love you
I love you, I love you today

I don't care what the world has to say
Heaven knows that (I love you, I love you today) I'm in love
x2

Nevertheless extravagance conceals the real hidden truth that only the gifted ones will know.

Quiz time

2009-01-22T03:43:00.003+01:00

Do you think you should take Diabetes mellitus lightly?

What is my color today?

2009-01-22T02:28:00.005+01:00

It's sugar and spice and everything.

If you think that it's just any ordinary key chain, think again.

It doesn't have to be October. (It'll be too late anyway.) It can be just any day.

Check today. It's DIY.
Ladies, if you have high Alkaline Phosphatase (>>200U/L) in your blood, watch out and take note. It's red alert.

Men, it's red and black alert. Your condition is usually fatal when you come to the doctor because you go LATE. Save your pride, then you'll save your life. If you have enlarged breasts or gynaecomastia, you're at high risk.

Pictures are from A Better Idea!

Life is no comfy zone. Home is neither the safest place. Cuz the danger lies within you. Yes, in you.

So, what is your color today?

Mine's:

Do you believe that your soulmate exist?

2009-01-21T21:19:00.003+01:00

The music....
The scenes...
The lyrics...
The feeling...
The setting...

(although it's a bit confusing in the beginning.. but the end justifies its meaning in my own interpretation =))

Doesn't it make love sounds like a fairytale come true?

It ain't so easy to love you true,
account of all the rattlesnakes and all that makes you blue
but it's worth it, I, I love the thrill

Come, come, come
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart

What is the body if not a place,
where you store all anger and happiness and pain
but it's worth it, I love the thrill

Come, come, come
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart
C'mon through
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart

C'mon through by Lasse Lindh

Courage

2009-01-18T20:49:00.003+01:00

Reality is such a sad thing. It's such a pity that the world is so big. It's such a shame that there are billions of people in it. There are so many beautiful people in this world. Yet all the different groups of beautiful people find it difficult to connect to the other because each has a different stand.

Love is in everyone. But we portray it differently. We care; but we do it in different ways. We call; and we ask if you are alright. Love is there; but are we going to reach out to it?

Being righteous is a really difficult thing. Never impossible, never. But very difficult. How many of us here can stand tall and proudly claim that we have tried our best to stand true to ourselves and stay virtuous and righteous? There aren't many but only very few. And yet the ones who stumble on purpose are conceited and claim that God is merciful; "He will forgive us if we repent" so "it is okay; we don't have to push ourselves that far"- aren't they then taking advantage of God's kindness? They are u-s-i-n-g God. It's just like the wicked taking advantage of the good ones- they are doing the same thing to God. These humans are shameful. They make excuses for themselves because they fear each other. Because of this fear, they don't want to be taken advantage of, and thus they make the first move instead. Hence, they deviate from the path of righteousness.

Often enough, I am sure that most of us automatically do not categorize ourselves into the genre above. But hey, that's denial. Cuz then we are making ourselves a liar.

And it all began with fear of one another and not God first. It is because people fear the wrong things that they began stumbling.

Righteous people are courageous people. They fear God and thus they stand by the Lord. Hence, because the Lord is with them, they could stand brave and strong- COURAGEOUS.

How to become myself

2009-01-10T09:35:00.003+01:00

Right now, I feel like I'm losing the self that I'm creating now. I don't even know myself anymore. I'm totally warped ain't I? I'm doing things recklessly and carelessly again. Time is running out and flying so fast. I am not outgoing. I'm not into outgoing activities. I am a fake and a pretender. Lying is such a bad habit.

Wait... did I lie? No. Was I pretending? No. Not at all for a long time actually. See, I'm totally warped? I'm confused myself. Oh yeah I become a totally useless person when I'm home. I feel like a totally different person. It's like I enter into a different dimension with a different attitude. I am so warped.

I need to control my temper and outburst.

And I need to change the me at home too. It's no comfy zone when I'm messing everything up.

God, help me....

But seriously. I thank God for the way I am now. He saved me big time. I would have entered into a world of darkness.

It's christianity that saved me. It's not the people in it. It's not anybody. It's God, His son and everything about them that saved me. And I changed so much since then.
I am glad...
I can see the many colors in the world now. So many. and they are beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Oh no. I forgot myself for a while there. Found it back.

Snow

2009-01-06T09:20:00.002+01:00

It was snowing the whole day yesterday and it was so beautiful. I didn't take a photo of it though, even though it's been a while since I have seen such beautiful scenery. I truly regret it now that I didn't actually take the opportunity to do it yesterday. It stopped snowing already now, however snow still covers practically everything in sight outdoors. The scene is still as beautiful. And it's just an incredible feeling. Lovely day today for me though it will be hard I guess since I have to travel to class in the cold.
Well, I'm off to doing my stuff before classes start for the day.

Found myself again

2009-01-04T02:32:00.002+01:00

Oh dear.... I must have been very very very upset on Friday. *sighs*

It's been a great year, 2008. I thank you for that.

This is a Thank You note which I wrote for the recent Year-End gathering:

Words of gratitude can only be expressed this much yet we know that words alone are always not enough to convey the true feeling of "thank you".
2008 has been a great and amazing year; and God has worked through eye-opening and wondrous ways in my life; so much so that I can definitely acclaim that 2008 is a real testimony.
It is truly a blessing to have a strong and brilliant support system; that is from my family and church, in a city where a church is not established; Prague that is and I thank you for that. Thank you always for the encouragement, motivation and guidance. The love and consistency are the things that I appreciate most and am most grateful for.
Thank you for the citizens of Malaysia for without them, I will not have the privilege of studying medicine and thus, then, I will not be where I am right now. And I thank you, for because of this opportunity that I received, I am able to relieve a little part of my parents' financial support and I am glad that I can help, even if it's just a little bit of everything.
I thank God for all the experiences in life that helped me to grow and mature. Those moments were indeed hard and trialling and I am grateful that I was able to overcome all of them and survived this far till the end of the year. It is not that I am put into life-threatening situations that I have been "surviving" but for all those dead-end situations that I was hampered in, I am grateful that I was able to pull through and get a way out of them and be a "survivor" at the end of the day.
I look forward to Year 2009 and pray that it will be another great adventure.

"Thank You".

And all of these things would not have happened if they were not from God's grace, of course.

It's great to be alive.
It's good to be me after all.

Holidays will come to end by midnight. But I find myself finding my true self again.
I guess I totally lost it when holidays came. I got the wake up call.
It's time to grow up and be professional towards myself, my friends, family and the people around me.
Lord, I'm sorry for all the sins that displeased you.
But I vie to be a better person, a better Christian.

Sombre

2008-12-13T17:31:00.002+01:00

I had a weird dream last night. My memory of it became vague after I woke up; but my body's memory remembers it well for sure; I woke up feeling heartbroken and depressed. The heartache lingered in me till now; no matter how I want it to go away. And the worst part is I don't even know why I'm feeling this way! And I don't think there should be any reason for me to feel this way either!
Definitely strange!

I want to lift my spirit up and laugh once more. Just for today..

And get busy again...

after a while

2008-12-13T04:42:00.002+01:00

Ahhh Claude Monet's picture for the day is just sooo beautiful in my eyes......... *in love*
I haven't seen this site for a while.
Right now, my major problem is contamination! I found that some of my oranges were rotten and they were covered with green powdery colonies of bacteria ewwwwwwww
My room is such a mess. It's time for cleaning! Looks like I won't have enough rest again =( I;m so glad that holidays are coming soon... even though they're really short.

Anyway, with loads of things to do, I can't spend much time writing anymore. =(

I miss Claude Monet.. Ah, I miss Paris... Will want to go back there again one day.... =)

Bye bye Claude Monet for now. Thank you for making me smile.......*dreamy*

and dream about cute babies tonight............ I miss the pediatrics department...

No more U-turns in life

2008-12-05T20:28:00.003+01:00

I have just officially drank 1L of chocolate milk for the day. I am definitely going to grow fat!
But ahhhh, it makes me feel better. I have always loved this kinda chocolate milk after all. Drinking it while watching Nodame mouths "Gyaboo!" just brings laughter to my lips. =)

Ahhh, my heart is finally smiling now.

Honestly, I had a terrible week. It was filled with sadness, frustrations and mistakes. Many a time I felt like kicking myself in the leg so hard and that's because I am just an absent-minded and empty-headed person. I can't forgive myself for such recklessness and carelessness and yet I continue repeating the same mistake over and over again.

I can never do anything right. I have never done anything right and make it perfect.
Everything always turned out to be a half-assed job. It's all because I'm just such a short-sighted person and lazy wuss and awful planner and executor.

I need to change. I need to think more realistically and practically.

What can I do to overcome this? What can I do win this battle against myself?

1. Know my weakness.
2. Overcome the weakness.
3. Don't things for fun anymore.
4. Have a strong will.
5. Nothing works without an effort. So work hard. Work really really really hard. I have everything that other people can give me. But the sad truth is, I am giving myself nothing at all now.

What can I do to become a better person?
What can I do to become one of the best?
When I am in this line, I realize now the only one thing that I have always been denying myself, you have to be one of the best. Then people will only see you as trustworthy, hardworking and reliable. That's what my dream profession demands of me after all. That's what medicine demands out of me. Work work work. You can't do things for fun anymore. That's too irresponsible and careless. It's not a child's play anymore. E-yeh, it's still fun. I can still enjoy every part of it. After all, it's just a different definition of fun.

I am going to use my strength to overcome my weakness.
~Image training for the mind~ Not just a daydream, but it will materializes into reality. I am good at visual after all. I am bad at hearing. Combination of hearing and writing is bad too. Reading-visualization technique is still the best for me.

I have told myself so many times that I have to change. I have done this so many times. I have asked myself the same questions over and over again.
I must remember this time that the hardest part is definitely the beginning.

Okay, Johari's window on the go!

Take precaution. Measure my steps. One step at a time of course. Think. Think out of the box. Evaluate prognosis. The only difference between medical prognosis and life prognosis is that life prognoses have higher rate of success and the future is clearer and something can definitely be done about it.

There are many things that I have to do.
What are my priorities now?
Picking up myself. From now onwards, I am going to love myself more now.

Step into the door, it has already been opened. Step into it and start creating my own life. The beginning is always the toughest but, it also means hope.

I have to tell myself this:
"Stand up again and start anew. Make this the turning point and do no more U-turns. No more back to square one. Start moving the pieces and aim for 100% probability of checkmate. Don't be afraid of moving on. Don't be afraid of failures and disappoints. Whether you do it or not, you will still face them anyway. Don't be afraid of facing challenges and monsters on the way. Things will work out just fine because God is on your side. You know it well. Don't forget, be humble and gentle and kind as always, be wise and smile. Do not lose yourself in the way; there are no opposite sides in this case. Blend them all in together and a beautiful picture will be painted. And the most beautiful music will accompany it. Sing your heart out and make the best and most out of it. There will be no regrets. Do what you want the most. With a sincere heart, with great effort, with hard work, with love, with soul.

There is no soul in everything that you do now.

Dreams do come true. Have hope. You can be successful as long as you work hard and smart. You can do something. And remember, it is worth doing, no matter how small the scale of outcome it might be. Because every good thing has its own special specific benefit, as long as you know how to draw it out and put it in the right place and use it to your benefit and spread it to the people around you. You can't help other people if you can't even help yourself. There will be no trust. There is no point if you sacrifice for the others' sake without doing it for your own sake first. Because you yourself mirror your very own actions and purpose. You are the reflection of your behavior and thinking. You have to do it for your sake because you have to grow stronger. And your strength will then be relatively proportional to how much people will be able to trust and respect you then. Then, that's how strong bonds between humans are created. Because strong impressions make the whole difference. That should be the way how friends are made. Not just, hi, I am so-and-so and talk about interests and jokes and gossip and then you call it "friendship". These kinda friendship is fragile. Friends who fight along with you and walk along the same path, friends who are your rivals, friends who share the same faith, friends who defend the same faith, friends who believe the same way, practice the same way, who have the same faith, who study and work in the same line are the friends who will be there for you. That's what you call true friends. We understand the same path we're taking and we try our best in our own way and we do the best we can. There are many types of friendship- but this are the fundamentals of friendship that underlies all types of friendship. Without this, I believe it won't last. You have to do your best in your own way. Start now."

These are the principles of my life that I have been integrating with my soul. It is always a constant reminder.
Now I have to walk my talk.

Lost

2008-12-03T06:59:00.002+01:00

It's so hard in the beginning.
It's a struggle to do everything right. Everything seems to be going the wrong way.
Unexpected news keep coming in.
I just have to keep it going.

I cannot give in to my emotions.
Grief I must, sorrow I must contain.

I need to overcome my desires
and find the right outlet.

..:Focus:..
..:Concentration:..
..:Positive thinking:..
..:Strength:..

Lord, I need wisdom and strong will.
I can't be careless and happy-go-lucky anymore.

24 hours a day is not enough for me. Time is just so so so so precious.
I remember what my cousin brother told me years ago: If you want to study medicine, you have think not just twice about it, but 20 times about it before you decide.
Now, I'm telling you, no way, you better think 200 times about it!
You have to sacrifice many things and deal with the most disgusting things on earth.
It's fun though. That is, if you know how to enjoy it.

"Let's start doing something right today"

2008-12-01T22:03:00.003+01:00

When I saw this personal message of an acquaintance on MSN Messenger, I was like "Wow, this is exactly what I have on my mind right now." So, yeah, let's start doing something right today! No, in fact, not just today but from now on!

It will slowly develop into a good habit and then, one day, eventually, we will find ourselves doing almost everything right.

A topic to ponder about today:
Gossip and Backstabbing and Complaints

Generally, there are many people who like to gossip about other people behind their backs. There are also many people who badmouth about other people whom they find themselves in disagreement with or basically do not like. There are people who are sarcastic about them too. Of course, it is also very common to find people who complain so much about the people around them.

Do we realize that these things that we have been doing are just way too wrong?
Do we really have that substantial amount of time to do all these absolutely pointless things?

If we just keep our lives to ourselves, and start working and doing things that are beneficial and worth learning, we will find ourselves not even the time to backstab other people.

Instead of complaining about a friend who doesn't care, we study and complete our assignments; or work and do our job right and satisfactory. That's how we improve.
Instead of feeling sad and venting out to another friend about a person who doesn't wish to listen to your love problems, bury yourself in doing your chores and housework and get them done by the end of the day. That's how you keep your house together and maintain cleanliness, tidiness and keep it in order. You pay your bills on time. You get your electrical and water supply.
Instead of caring so much about what other people think or say about you, just be yourself, don't be pretentious and do things that bring you bliss and joy, make you feel worth a human and living and worth learning. And be nice to everyone but wise and professional and strict. That's how you can be a better and happier person.

Be independent, walk with God and stand on your feet by yourself, on your own, all byr yourself. Yes, alone. Loneliness, no, a better word would be "solitary" is a great teacher. If you can grasp the meaning behind this philosophy, you're a survivor.

Because, just because you care about one person, that doesn't mean that the person will naturally care for you back. Just because you sat down and listened to her personal problems, that will not mean that she will listen to yours back. Humans are different in many ways and things may not naturally be reciprocal. You can't force them to the way you want them to be. She may think of you differently from the thought of how you yourself is like. Most of us don't really know ourselves well simply because we refuse to admit the parts of us that we're ashamed of, the parts that we want to deny and hide so badly. But this is what other people are capable of seeing us as. Think about one frame of reference of Johari's window- "You know, I don't know".
It may also be that way because people have different tenets of life; different desires; different lifestyles; different mentality; different circumstances; different priorities; different habits; different things to do in life.
And we have to accept that these are facts of life and we can't run away from them. So why be unhappy over something that is so undeniable? It becomes a trivial thing when things become more acceptable, don't they?

Or will you feel that because these kinda reality exists, the world is just so sad? Now, that's what you call "Negative Thinking". It ain't healthy, brother and sister. The world doesn't exist to naturally give comfort to you. It exists for you to create a small place of comfort in it.

I am ashamed to admit that I do find myself gossiping and thus backstabbing people. Although "backstab" sounds very much severe, gossip is a form of backstabbing. Although I unintentionally do it without the desire to cause any harm, it is 1) never an excuse because no one can fight logic and consequences 2) in which, it does cause harm; simply because you're already leaving mouthprints (okay, I created that word on my own whim) of bad impression to the other person you blabbed to. You influenced and convinced the other party that the one person whom you're not happy about that he/she is generally not nice.

So, yeah, I wanna stop doing all these things and start doing the right thing.
Because I realize that I simply already have my hands full already with the things that are urgent and important. The only difference is I am not doing them right.

So, I simply have to get the engine started!

As the saying goes, do no harm.

P.s. Okay, I have confessed my sins =P A relief. And a great assurance to the path of becoming a better Christian.

The wake in the morning

2008-11-30T00:10:00.000+01:00

When you look at yourself in the mirror, smile =)

When you look at your family in their face, greet a good morning and smile =)

When you look at your roommate, greet a good morning and smile =)

When you look at your cute pet, greet a good morning and smile =)

When you look at your fresh beautiful plants and flowers, greet a good day and smile =)

When you smile, you will notice that the day is smiling back at you too.

And it wouldn't matter at all then, if nobody smiles back at you. Because one day, I'm sure someone out there is waiting to smile back at you.

And if you meet me, I will be that "someone" then, smiling back at you.

So, smile always and it doesn't matter even if nobody smiles back at you.

Dear, you-know-who-you-are

2008-11-29T20:50:00.001+01:00

I have to admit; I miss writing like crazy. Nah, actually I miss "typing" writing like crazy. I prefer the electronic way of keeping in touch, to tell you the truth. Snail mails drive me nuts. So, this is my reply to you cuz I love it this way.

You know what I really feel like doing now, especially after reading your blog?
Disapparating from here and apparating in front of you to give you a big punch in your face to wake you up. Like guys would normally do to their good friends in movies.

You are so not cool now to me. So totally uncool and unmanly.

I am disappointed.

But I am no different anyway.
I am ashamed of who I used to be and the way I am now still.
Nevertheless, I am recovering and slowly picking up shreds of pieces of my torn spirit and putting them back again.
You see, I can't remember how much I told you about the way I was the year I got into med school.
I really felt like running away. I so didn't want to face it; face the fact that I have to study like crazy and spend the rest of my life living like this. It was horrifying and depressing. I did badly in my early tests because I couldn't study properly. I always had the idea of giving up and packing my bag to go home because I so wanted to run away. But, even in that depth of "hell", I passed the first year with God's grace and blessings of course and got into the second year. I can never forget what happened one week before my exam. God really did guide me. The one thing that I would never have done out of my frail courage was the only thing I could do and did- I went to the professor for consultations, and even though, I could have given a bad impression that I am inadequate in my knowledge, I bravely faced him. Twice. He was very encouraging and so grandfatherly. Although intimidating still, for the fact that he could be my future examiner who knows how stupid I am. He taught me many things and these were the things that help me to sail through the oral exam with a famously very very very very hard, austere and tenacious female teacher who fails many students. Imagine, it was only two lessons that I had with him, and very lucky ones too because it's just so difficult to get him since he was very busy. Trust me, two lessons are two tiny ants you can get in a year and yet, God helped me by giving me the questions that were related to whatever the professor taught me then. That was God's answer to me the first time. The second year was even more frustrating and I was falling deep again. The physiology teachers gave me very very very bad impression and the subject itself is a very hard one. Again, in the recent final exam, I prayed so hard that things will go well. It was a very well-directed plan by God indeed, I truly believe. I failed the first attempt but miraculously got my visa extended when I called my friend for help on the same day. I passed the exam the next week iteslf with the questions that I knew how to answer. The professor was really scary. And there was another teacher who often scoffed and laughed at my answers (or the way I answered, I supposed) that time. But then, I got through it and made it. AND That Was God's answer to me the second time. Twice, I should have failed already as a student and yet, He allowed fate to let me pass. I was very very much unprepared for these both subjects.
His answer to what?, you would be wondering I guess. To the question I have always been bugging myself with, do I really want to be a doctor? Do I really deserve to be one? Do I really have the right personality and intelligence and determination and character to be one? Can I really accept this coming hard life and days that will always be centered around hard and never-ending studies; hospitals that reek of diseases and death and medicine; patients whom you have to be responsible of, so much so that you cannot afford any mistake?
Right now, I am trying to change myself. I have accepted the fact that I am really going to be a doctor. I have accepted the fact that I don't have to run away anymore, because I am loving this and every moment of it, even though it is so hard, I could cry every night; so lonely because I miss everyone at home; so disgusting because autopsies are nasty and smelly and patients are definitely not the kind of patients you see in medical dramas; so tiring because my classes are like working hours (at some days, even longer) and I have to come back to study further; studies are so hard to memorize and cope and that give me sleeping problems- yes, I have sleeping disorders. I am still very much addicted to the internet which I have to slowly get rid of; even though the very existence of internet taught me great meanings of life. And for these very reasons, I have to be stronger and I have to grow even more and more stronger in the future than I am now.
And for now and also for the coming years of studies, I don't want to get involved in any relationships at all. I didn't tell you much about my past, did I? Paul knows it better than you do. (Wait, I don't think you know anything though.. I don't remember telling you.) Because she's always been there for me for so long. LoL do you know when I told her about it, she objected like mad. She has good taste in guys after all. And she is definitely right. Good lovely Paul. I'll tell you one day, maybe. If you stop being on poor-guys-who-get-dumped's side LOL But seriously, I don't have any time and emotions spared for relationship.

Anyway, brother, it might sound depressing to you. And I am no amazing person since I am a disgrace and disappointment. I know people in the church think otherwise which is so not true. I really don't want to disappoint anyone. Everyone in my family wants the best for me, and so does my Christian family. You have no idea, how encouraging everyone is each year I went back home. Ah, I miss church so much. Definitely one sanctuary where I can be myself, laugh so much my tummy hurts, be happy with everyone and sing so much till I go out of tune in that infamous page 622 of our hymn book a.k.a. "Ring the message out". You ask Steph and the rest la- they like to bully me with that song. Acapella singing is still the best melody in the world, isn't it? =)

God is so good... And all the blessings I will remember them, always and always, always, always. This reminds me of this song I heard from Bing Crosby, "Count your blessings, instead of sheep before you go to sleep". Such a sweet song =)

I will always remember and keep you in prayers. I hope things will go well with you and her. Take care, always. Be strong too.

P.s. Don't say you're living a lie. If you are, you are no Christian already!