No more U-turns in life

I have just officially drank 1L of chocolate milk for the day. I am definitely going to grow fat!
But ahhhh, it makes me feel better. I have always loved this kinda chocolate milk after all. Drinking it while watching Nodame mouths "Gyaboo!" just brings laughter to my lips. =)

Ahhh, my heart is finally smiling now.

Honestly, I had a terrible week. It was filled with sadness, frustrations and mistakes. Many a time I felt like kicking myself in the leg so hard and that's because I am just an absent-minded and empty-headed person. I can't forgive myself for such recklessness and carelessness and yet I continue repeating the same mistake over and over again.

I can never do anything right. I have never done anything right and make it perfect.
Everything always turned out to be a half-assed job. It's all because I'm just such a short-sighted person and lazy wuss and awful planner and executor.

I need to change. I need to think more realistically and practically.

What can I do to overcome this? What can I do win this battle against myself?

1. Know my weakness.
2. Overcome the weakness.
3. Don't things for fun anymore.
4. Have a strong will.
5. Nothing works without an effort. So work hard. Work really really really hard. I have everything that other people can give me. But the sad truth is, I am giving myself nothing at all now.

What can I do to become a better person?
What can I do to become one of the best?
When I am in this line, I realize now the only one thing that I have always been denying myself, you have to be one of the best. Then people will only see you as trustworthy, hardworking and reliable. That's what my dream profession demands of me after all. That's what medicine demands out of me. Work work work. You can't do things for fun anymore. That's too irresponsible and careless. It's not a child's play anymore. E-yeh, it's still fun. I can still enjoy every part of it. After all, it's just a different definition of fun.

I am going to use my strength to overcome my weakness.
~Image training for the mind~ Not just a daydream, but it will materializes into reality. I am good at visual after all. I am bad at hearing. Combination of hearing and writing is bad too. Reading-visualization technique is still the best for me.

I have told myself so many times that I have to change. I have done this so many times. I have asked myself the same questions over and over again.
I must remember this time that the hardest part is definitely the beginning.

Okay, Johari's window on the go!

Take precaution. Measure my steps. One step at a time of course. Think. Think out of the box. Evaluate prognosis. The only difference between medical prognosis and life prognosis is that life prognoses have higher rate of success and the future is clearer and something can definitely be done about it.

There are many things that I have to do.
What are my priorities now?
Picking up myself. From now onwards, I am going to love myself more now.

Step into the door, it has already been opened. Step into it and start creating my own life. The beginning is always the toughest but, it also means hope.

I have to tell myself this:
"Stand up again and start anew. Make this the turning point and do no more U-turns. No more back to square one. Start moving the pieces and aim for 100% probability of checkmate. Don't be afraid of moving on. Don't be afraid of failures and disappoints. Whether you do it or not, you will still face them anyway. Don't be afraid of facing challenges and monsters on the way. Things will work out just fine because God is on your side. You know it well. Don't forget, be humble and gentle and kind as always, be wise and smile. Do not lose yourself in the way; there are no opposite sides in this case. Blend them all in together and a beautiful picture will be painted. And the most beautiful music will accompany it. Sing your heart out and make the best and most out of it. There will be no regrets. Do what you want the most. With a sincere heart, with great effort, with hard work, with love, with soul.

There is no soul in everything that you do now.

Dreams do come true. Have hope. You can be successful as long as you work hard and smart. You can do something. And remember, it is worth doing, no matter how small the scale of outcome it might be. Because every good thing has its own special specific benefit, as long as you know how to draw it out and put it in the right place and use it to your benefit and spread it to the people around you. You can't help other people if you can't even help yourself. There will be no trust. There is no point if you sacrifice for the others' sake without doing it for your own sake first. Because you yourself mirror your very own actions and purpose. You are the reflection of your behavior and thinking. You have to do it for your sake because you have to grow stronger. And your strength will then be relatively proportional to how much people will be able to trust and respect you then. Then, that's how strong bonds between humans are created. Because strong impressions make the whole difference. That should be the way how friends are made. Not just, hi, I am so-and-so and talk about interests and jokes and gossip and then you call it "friendship". These kinda friendship is fragile. Friends who fight along with you and walk along the same path, friends who are your rivals, friends who share the same faith, friends who defend the same faith, friends who believe the same way, practice the same way, who have the same faith, who study and work in the same line are the friends who will be there for you. That's what you call true friends. We understand the same path we're taking and we try our best in our own way and we do the best we can. There are many types of friendship- but this are the fundamentals of friendship that underlies all types of friendship. Without this, I believe it won't last. You have to do your best in your own way. Start now."

These are the principles of my life that I have been integrating with my soul. It is always a constant reminder.
Now I have to walk my talk.