When the mind strays

When the mind strays, all is lost, even one's own soul. No voice could reach her. Even she has forsaken her god. For a while.
When conflicts occur and one leaves, without a word, without goodbyes, how sad, how disappointing, how small the relationship turned out to be.
When loved ones are far apart and we miss each other every other day, we worry, we pray, we think and we love. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. :)

Home.
Who says we can't go home again? (I pity George Webber though. No, not that radio personality. He's a book character. Go figure.)
Even the father welcomes back his prodigal son. So no home would ever deny one's own child. Only a fool would do so.
Where is my home? Where is yours? Where is his? Where is hers?
The temple of God, my salvation, my refuge, my repository.
Somewhere I belong to. And the fact never changes. No, it shan't change.

Will I be able to be normal again, feel the normal feelings that a normal person will feel?
Will I be able to find myself again, and extricate myself from the tangles of numbness, orientation loss and thus be able once again to cast my cares upon others, like how God does for me?
Will I be able to love again?
Will I be able to look at the face of friendship at the same value once again? What is friendship? Is it really a farce? Cheap, selfish, self-centered, prideful friendship? Or selfish, insincere, thoughtless, unmotivated friendship? Or friendship that is masked by jealousy? Or forgotten friendship? Lost in your own deep troubles and loneliness, that you forget others? Am I not the same then? Shall I stop caring then? And even then, people who take friendship too seriously, who clung on it too much suffocates it, kills it and loses it dearly. It is too bad they did not find the right way to respect the way it should be. It is too bad they thought they could be as lawless as possible in what they deemed as true friendship. Hey, true friendship isn't about showing all the bad sides, no, it's about bringing out the good sides of one another and maintaining one's sanity by keeping those pure and delicate feelings cherished, respecting one another, listening to one another and not be dominant over the other. Love thy neighbor as thyself.
Or friendship that's blended with both sides? How do we balance that? How do we accept the bad as readily as we accept the good? Do we have the heart big enough to control that? Is it a one-man's job? It always take two to clap, doesn't it?
Sometimes, we feel, "Hey, stop being so bossy or self-righteous (just because you think you know better), [whatever name or word that describes that person]!"
Sometimes, we feel, "She/He must be heartbroken. I will go try consoling her/him".
Sometimes, we feel, "Here he comes with a motive again; what does he want this time?"
And sometimes we feel, "Oh he's so sweet. That is so sweet." Hmm, like how my friend dropped by today to show me some of the photos he took and printed.

See, friendship DOESN'T NEED A REASON. AMEN.

Back then and even now, I usually felt/feel, "Silence is golden. I don't have to say or tell out everything I know because I realize in those times when I did that that I assume an annoying Miss-Know-It-All personality and give everything all out from A-Z." That sucks. It's either being quiet or everything comes out. And so it's good to always pretend that I don't know anything in the end, or so I thought. Condense! Condense! Wait, how do I do that?

Silly, isn't it?

I may not look like it but like others, I do understand a great deal about something or someone with silent observation alone.
Find it strange or freaky or creepy, but it became something that I enjoy doing. It's the figuring-things-out process that intrigues me. Because, as the saying goes, we must never judge a book by its cover.

And so began the romance of being a mystery/thriller cult follower. Come to think about it, The Bone Collector (1995) was the first thriller film I fell in love with. And the rest.. was history :D
I assure you that my ardor definitely did not begin from the grandeur of the names that regarded the acting roles of the film. As a matter of fact, I was too naive and young to even care about who they really were then. It was the content and the depth of the characters of the film that always mattered.

By the way,
If you're reading this, hi R. It has been too long since I wrote anything, hasn't it?

And hi dormant L. If you're reading this, it's most probably because I ask you to. LOL. Okay, that insinuates me being desperate or instructive or something just plain bad. Not at all, of course. Sharing is caring. :D

And since I love spreading the word so much, I have to proclaim that someone needs to stop me from listening to the song "Mad World" (Gary Jules////Adam Lambert). I am rather fond of the lyrics, you see.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere
Their tears are fillin' up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

Children waitin' for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sits and listen, sits and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world
A raunchy young world
Mad world

Don't ask me how long I've been dwelling on this. Just give me a happier song, please.