A title which has no title and meaning

My life is FULL of distractions.

I have the internet.
I have friends.
And I have my MIND as the greatest distraction.

I'm not saying that those shortlisted stuff above are bad. Not at all. I didn't mean it that way at all. It's just that I have exam on Monday and I have tons to study. God help me....

It's night already! Time is sooooooooo not on my side.

But it was good to keep in touch with friends. And these are friends whom I haven't spoken to in MONTHS OR YEARS.

And you know what?
I feel great! I feel grateful that I have amazing friends who love me as I am and who accept as I am. And I ABSOLUTELY love them as they are as well =)
I feel blessed that we can share and laugh and cry together because we understand one another and we truly appreciate one another, not for the sake of the name in friendship, no, it's far beyond that, but because I am who I am, she is who she is and he is who he is. And we are all fellow workers of God and that we're comrades!

God is good! Because of Him, we're connected to each other. I bet we'll be total strangers without God. I bet my life will be a miserable one without God.

And you know what's even more amazing?
I found a HUGE missing piece of myself.
I find myself laughing heartily again. I find myself losing the "Oh! The-dead-serious-no-joke-self" of mine.
This year is going to be awesome. Because I'm finding back the love and joy which I have lost for these past several years.
And these are the experiences that I will never forget.
It makes me want to have a life more than the one I am holding on to now.
It makes me want to say to everyone and shake hands and say God bless you and your day so that you will be happy and remember that there is a God who loves you!

Oooooooopsssssss my beautiful lovely ever-caring housemate has just come into the room to encourage me to study... and yes so this means I have to end this addicted-to-blogging craze!

I am blessed with good friends. Thank you God for sending this beautiful people to me.

Okay, the next battle to win is MIND BATTLE. Because my mind is thinking unnaturally about many things now. You know, like how premonitions come to a person's mind in a movie you have watched, it's kinda like happening the same way: thoughts and answers to questions on the topic of life, people, etc that have been bugging me STRUCK me OVERFLOWINGLY. I don't know how to explain. It's like a curse that I have to end now because I have PATHOBIOCHEMISTRY to flood my mind with.

Ooohh wait... it's slowing down now... yes! they're gone. My mind is at peace.
Okay, pathobiochemistry here I come.
Please remember me in prayers if you can, whoever you are out there.

Coming out of the hole

Life is like a riddle to me.

And I took way too many long roads to solve those stages of the riddle.

I arrived at many answers and realize today, that many of the answers are redundant.
My mind just couldn't stop working ever since yesterday as more and more revelations came pouring into it. I realize just how much I have actually shut my mind in for so long.

I'm finally making a real decision.
I'm moving on and taking real charge of my life.
I am the one caging myself in with self-doubt and fears.
Fear of losing everything.
Fear of making everyone unhappy. Because it makes me unhappy too.
Fear of upsetting someone, when you are one person who wants to help that someone more than anyone else in this world.

And I am going to change.

This is my revolution of the year... and for life.

"Thou shall make revolutions, not resolutions."
How cool is that, I wanna make myself feel a little bit conceited, cuz that's a stand I create for myself now. And if it's nothing new to anybody who has the same stand, hey, welcome me to your club, we're buddies for life.

Thank you, a dear friend of mine, you change my life again.

I feel good! DadaDadaDadaDadaDa!

My friend taught me a very important lesson today:

Be happy. And you'll make everyone feel happy around you. =)

SMILE!!


Oh crap, I've been smiling like an idiot for no reason for an hour now!

Another day of enlightenment

I'm going to throw it all away.

I'm going to start anew.

And yeah, generalization is something new that I disapprove now. So, if I have ever made one, I'm going to disregard it now. There are exceptions of course. There always are.

What I said about humans in general. There are always exceptions.



I shall remember today:
Behold, I send you forth as sheep amidst wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves

I can't help but...

remembering Johnny Depp saying this word in Secret Window, a movie he starred in 4 years ago:

"RUBBERNECKER"

That made me laughed my head off back then and still now every time I recall it unintentionally from time to time.

Okay, actually that's not really the point that I wanted to say; I backtracked right in the beginning simply because I just couldn't get it off my head and now that it's cleared, I'm going straight back to the point:

Remember the post that wrote:

"We can't always have it our own way in life"?

I think many people fail to see and accept this nature or simply because they do not accept failure. People become more demanding and snobbish; they put you down when you do the wrong thing; they get upset when they don't get what they desire or vie for; they become pushy or resort to underhanded methods; they try to play God and lord over other people's lives; they who are stronger find themselves oppressing the weak, blah blah blah
The world is in darkness. People are becoming blind in the eyes and stone-cold in the heart. Tainted soul.

I watched The Butterfly Effect this morning. It's quite an old movie which I had always dreaded to watch back then because everyone who watched told me it was gory and violent. And being me, not a particular fan of pure violence, I avoided that movie till today. And boy was I wrong in doing that because yeah, despite of all those extreme elements that the movie contained, it carries many very important and heavy messages:

a) Everyone has a certain darkness in us. The factor that brings it out of us is always either the environment that we live in or our mental stability. Come on, look at Tommy.
b) Nobody deserves to play God. Nothing goes right. Evan learned it dead on.
c) You can't always get what you want in life; one has to sacrifice to get something; no pain, no gain.
d) Love comes in many forms, and the powerful love depicted here is one that lets go, simply because you have to protect the person you love at all costs; even if it means that you're the only one carrying the burden alone to your grave; because there is no one in this world that loves her/him as much as you do and you know that. And all you can do for that person is to give her a sacrificing selfless unconditional love- the most powerful form of love.

A movie that sent me off shrieking in shock and surprise so many times came to a close with an awesome ending which took my breath away. And ohhhh, Oasis rocked the finish even more with their "Stop crying your heart out."
P.s. Oasis is an awesome rock band. I simply love their songs! The reason why I watched this movie was because their song was featured here in the first place. LOL

The butterfly effect is actually a very very interesting Chaos Theory that was pioneered by Edward Lorenz, an American mathematician and meteorologist by profession. (He passed away in April, last year) The theory generally speaks about sensitive dependence on initial conditions in a dynamical system. Like how a slight change in the initial conditions can completely alter the direction into another. Well, it's pretty common sense, but it's really cool of Lorenz to even derive an equation out of it.

Oh, this movie is going to remain as one of the indelible movies that I have watched. Eric Bress and Jonathan Mackye Gruber are like super pairs when it comes to directing and script writing! 5 out of 5 stars.

CODE BLUE

Doctor Heli Kinkyuu Kyumei

Sometimes exaggeration is not so bad after all- it makes it look cooler.

I revere their dedication- a doctor's dedication. "It is good to be a perfectionist."

Separation is an indispensable part of our lives.
Parting will surely come. At any time. But... we know. Just as there are
sad farewells, there are farewells for departures, farewells for facing the future. The only certainty is that separation makes people strong. - Dr. Aizawa Kosaku


Who's my favorite character here??
Dr Kuroda- a thoroughly amazing doctor- from the beginning till finish, he never forgets his role as a doctor; even after he took off his gown, because, hey you know what:
once a doctor, forever a doctor.

Watch it, it'll inspire you to be a greater person.
No spoilers, except that yeah, from the second title itself, it involves using helicopter as a means of transport to emergency locations- DR HELI.

Acceptance

"We can't always have it our own way in life"

Death

People find it difficult to accept and often enough they misunderstand but;

It takes a person with a really big heart; one with a generous and selfless heart to say;

"Don't be sad. Don't cry."

Because he meant,
"It is okay now, he/she has gone to a better place called heaven."

Because he thinks more of the person who left than the people left behind. But he understands the people left behind the same way everybody understands too, because he is also a person left behind after all and he considers himself as one of those very same people who were left behind too but consoles himself and also the people around him the same way (because it is good to share), just because he is simply a selfless person.

Living by faith

Tho dark and dreary be life's away And burdens hard to bear;
There's One whose love will never fail, My heart shall ne'er despair.
My hope is staid in him today and He will safely lead;
To that sweet home beyond the sea, Christ's love is all I need.

Refrain:
Christ's love is all I need, (Oh, His love precious love's all I need,)
each day, (need each day)
I know, I know, Christ's precious love is all I need, (Yes, I know, precious love is all)
He'll lead me safely on life's way, (Oh He'll lead, yes, He'll lead safely on, on life's way)
I know, I know Christ's precious, precious love is all I need. (Oh, I know His love is all I need, I need)

The trials press on every side
And many snares there be
I look in simple faith to Him,
Who calmed the stormy sea.
He is the Shepherd kind and true, His sheep He'll ever feed
This cheers me on and makes me strong,
Christ's love is all I need.

Refrain

And when I hear the boatman's call,
Come cross the chilly tide;
I shall not fear to launch my barque,
For Christ is at my side.
He bore the sting of death for me,
Has met my every need;
And so I sing the sweet refrain, Christ's love is all I need.

Refrain
///
Christ's love is all I need
George W. Sides 1924

Extracted from the holy hymn book of Songs of Faith and Praise
Savior's leadership
Hymn 401
By no means am I using this opportunity to make profit from this copyrighted property which I do not own. Its purpose serves to share and that reason alone.

I always have this habit of opening a book randomly without having the intention of first seeking the content page in the front or the index page at the back. And thus, this was the page that I opened to and I remember we often sing this hymn in church, always reminding ourselves that His love is what we need and that His love guides our path that we take in life. It has always been an assurance to me in the past; now it becomes a testimony instead because I believed in Him, because I trust in Him, and hence because with that trust, I try hard to be myself and do what I can do.
And again, it proved to be true today.

It takes humility to be a better Christian. When you truly understand its true meaning, it opens your eyes to many things that many other people fail to see.
Thank you Lord for always, always being there for me, for making me stronger and stronger both in faith and mentally so that I can move on and continue the saga of achieving my dream. My dream is naught but a simple dream embezzled with a simple hope- to be a support to the ones who need to be strengthened, and not because I pity them, no, by all means, never but because I believe that everyone has his/her own unique strength- no one deserves to be looked down, no one deserves to put down another person, because everyone was born equal, as a human and a human who seeks his/her path- because discrimination is not worthy of its existence. Sadly, unfortunately, things are not the way as they should be; and humans are foolish creatures with great pride; and many decisions that the people who take control and have power hurt others who were weaker but desired to protect their stand in life too. I believe my path lies in the road of medicine, a hard long road that can make you cry and cry over and over again in the beginning, because the beginning is always the hardest, but adaptability ensues, and eventuality finds myself changing vastly.

Are you the lost one today, my child, or am I the one whom you find me entirely disagreeable because you deem me as a hypocrite and fake? I am a human too, with many mistakes that I made, with my foolishness and childishness, I am ashamed of the many things that I did as well. But I want to learn and change, because life is all about change, and you are all about the person who decides that you want to make a start to forsake a life you find yourself not happy in, not comfortable with, not loving as you hope it to be, not responsible as you know it should be.

I shall remind myself of this again and again:
When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I become a man, I put away childish thoughts.

A clue is what you find in a brain

Loads of time to kill?

Click

ZAHADA

if you think you're up to it

Curious what it's all about? Look down

Dreams are like wind in our sails

heaven knows songs
free Mp3 downloads | free Music downloads

Guess guess: Which movie featured this song?

You're no dame, I'm no duke
Somehow love is a fluke
We've survived thick and thin
Taking knocks on the chin
In the eyes of the sad
We may be barking mad
But the truth has been ceased
We are like chalk and cheese

You wind me up and that drive you mad
It's a fact of life goes hand in hand
And I know that look, it's read like a book
And I realize...

I don't care what the world has to say
You should know that I love you
I love you, I love you today

I don't care what the world has to say
Heaven knows that (I love you, I love you today) I'm in love
x2

When the boat starts to rock,
And my ears try to block
all the words that you say
through the night, through the day
where there's muck, there is brass
and the storm soon will pass
then it's back to the norm
All the cold turns to warm

Sometimes I think life crawls like a snail
But all our dreams become the wind in your sails
Without wealth, it's true
Who cares what you do
And I realize

I don't care what the world has to say
You should know that I love you
I love you, I love you today

I don't care what the world has to say
Heaven knows that (I love you, I love you today) I'm in love
x2

I can feel the eyes behind us as we walk
I can see the ears that listen when we talk

I don't care what the world has to say
You should know that I love you
I love you, I love you today

I don't care what the world has to say
Heaven knows that (I love you, I love you today) I'm in love
x2



Nevertheless extravagance conceals the real hidden truth that only the gifted ones will know.

Quiz time

Do you think you should take Diabetes mellitus lightly?

What is my color today?

It's sugar and spice and everything.



If you think that it's just any ordinary key chain, think again.



It doesn't have to be October. (It'll be too late anyway.) It can be just any day.

Check today. It's DIY.
Ladies, if you have high Alkaline Phosphatase (>>200U/L) in your blood, watch out and take note. It's red alert.

Men, it's red and black alert. Your condition is usually fatal when you come to the doctor because you go LATE. Save your pride, then you'll save your life. If you have enlarged breasts or gynaecomastia, you're at high risk.


Pictures are from A Better Idea!

Life is no comfy zone. Home is neither the safest place. Cuz the danger lies within you. Yes, in you.

So, what is your color today?


Mine's:

Do you believe that your soulmate exist?

The music....
The scenes...
The lyrics...
The feeling...
The setting...

(although it's a bit confusing in the beginning.. but the end justifies its meaning in my own interpretation =))

Doesn't it make love sounds like a fairytale come true?

It ain't so easy to love you true,
account of all the rattlesnakes and all that makes you blue
but it's worth it, I, I love the thrill

Come, come, come
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart

What is the body if not a place,
where you store all anger and happiness and pain
but it's worth it, I love the thrill

Come, come, come
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart
C'mon through
C'mon through, c'mon you, come dig right into my heart

C'mon through by Lasse Lindh

Courage

Reality is such a sad thing. It's such a pity that the world is so big. It's such a shame that there are billions of people in it. There are so many beautiful people in this world. Yet all the different groups of beautiful people find it difficult to connect to the other because each has a different stand.

Love is in everyone. But we portray it differently. We care; but we do it in different ways. We call; and we ask if you are alright. Love is there; but are we going to reach out to it?

Being righteous is a really difficult thing. Never impossible, never. But very difficult. How many of us here can stand tall and proudly claim that we have tried our best to stand true to ourselves and stay virtuous and righteous? There aren't many but only very few. And yet the ones who stumble on purpose are conceited and claim that God is merciful; "He will forgive us if we repent" so "it is okay; we don't have to push ourselves that far"- aren't they then taking advantage of God's kindness? They are u-s-i-n-g God. It's just like the wicked taking advantage of the good ones- they are doing the same thing to God. These humans are shameful. They make excuses for themselves because they fear each other. Because of this fear, they don't want to be taken advantage of, and thus they make the first move instead. Hence, they deviate from the path of righteousness.

Often enough, I am sure that most of us automatically do not categorize ourselves into the genre above. But hey, that's denial. Cuz then we are making ourselves a liar.

And it all began with fear of one another and not God first. It is because people fear the wrong things that they began stumbling.

Righteous people are courageous people. They fear God and thus they stand by the Lord. Hence, because the Lord is with them, they could stand brave and strong- COURAGEOUS.

How to become myself

Right now, I feel like I'm losing the self that I'm creating now. I don't even know myself anymore. I'm totally warped ain't I? I'm doing things recklessly and carelessly again. Time is running out and flying so fast. I am not outgoing. I'm not into outgoing activities. I am a fake and a pretender. Lying is such a bad habit.

Wait... did I lie? No. Was I pretending? No. Not at all for a long time actually. See, I'm totally warped? I'm confused myself. Oh yeah I become a totally useless person when I'm home. I feel like a totally different person. It's like I enter into a different dimension with a different attitude. I am so warped.

I need to control my temper and outburst.

And I need to change the me at home too. It's no comfy zone when I'm messing everything up.

God, help me....

But seriously. I thank God for the way I am now. He saved me big time. I would have entered into a world of darkness.

It's christianity that saved me. It's not the people in it. It's not anybody. It's God, His son and everything about them that saved me. And I changed so much since then.
I am glad...
I can see the many colors in the world now. So many. and they are beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Oh no. I forgot myself for a while there. Found it back.

Snow

It was snowing the whole day yesterday and it was so beautiful. I didn't take a photo of it though, even though it's been a while since I have seen such beautiful scenery. I truly regret it now that I didn't actually take the opportunity to do it yesterday. It stopped snowing already now, however snow still covers practically everything in sight outdoors. The scene is still as beautiful. And it's just an incredible feeling. Lovely day today for me though it will be hard I guess since I have to travel to class in the cold.
Well, I'm off to doing my stuff before classes start for the day.

Found myself again

Oh dear.... I must have been very very very upset on Friday. *sighs*

It's been a great year, 2008. I thank you for that.

This is a Thank You note which I wrote for the recent Year-End gathering:

Words of gratitude can only be expressed this much yet we know that words alone are always not enough to convey the true feeling of "thank you".
2008 has been a great and amazing year; and God has worked through eye-opening and wondrous ways in my life; so much so that I can definitely acclaim that 2008 is a real testimony.
It is truly a blessing to have a strong and brilliant support system; that is from my family and church, in a city where a church is not established; Prague that is and I thank you for that. Thank you always for the encouragement, motivation and guidance. The love and consistency are the things that I appreciate most and am most grateful for.
Thank you for the citizens of Malaysia for without them, I will not have the privilege of studying medicine and thus, then, I will not be where I am right now. And I thank you, for because of this opportunity that I received, I am able to relieve a little part of my parents' financial support and I am glad that I can help, even if it's just a little bit of everything.
I thank God for all the experiences in life that helped me to grow and mature. Those moments were indeed hard and trialling and I am grateful that I was able to overcome all of them and survived this far till the end of the year. It is not that I am put into life-threatening situations that I have been "surviving" but for all those dead-end situations that I was hampered in, I am grateful that I was able to pull through and get a way out of them and be a "survivor" at the end of the day.
I look forward to Year 2009 and pray that it will be another great adventure.

"Thank You".

And all of these things would not have happened if they were not from God's grace, of course.

It's great to be alive.
It's good to be me after all.

Holidays will come to end by midnight. But I find myself finding my true self again.
I guess I totally lost it when holidays came. I got the wake up call.
It's time to grow up and be professional towards myself, my friends, family and the people around me.
Lord, I'm sorry for all the sins that displeased you.
But I vie to be a better person, a better Christian.