Anger management?

I was so mad at everything today. I was so mad at the news I received from my parents (no, not that I'm mad at them or anything like that). I was mad at myself. I was so mad I slept the whole afternoon. I threw my precious afternoon away. Like usual.
I am still mad actually. A couple of moments ago, subconsciously, I found my fingers typing in Google Search on the toolbar above these words:
"I am so mad" I stopped when the list of choices that could help to save time and allow me to pick appeared. I laughed.
Choice 1: I am so mad at my boyfriend
Choice 2: I am so mad at my husband
Choice 3: I am so mad that I cannot believe
Choice 4: I am so mad at my mom
Choice 5: I am so mad right now.

It looks like only girls/women would do things like these.
I don't see any words that spell "I'm so mad at my girlfriend/wife".

But I'm not going to write what I'm mad about here. Typed virtual words can never get erased, no. I'd erase that in my heart and forget about it.

I watched The Notebook today. It was enchanting. I didn't find it stupid. It didn't leave a deep mark like what Lost in Translation LIT did for a week (Yes I watched it last week). The Notebook made me cry, I couldn't help it. But that was it. I don't feel anything now anymore. More like it took away that mark from LIT I couldn't get rid of. LIT taught the meaning of knowing the feeling of loneliness (yeah, no surprise, which I know already). All the more I could understand it best when I knew what it feels like to live in a foreign country you can't understand at all. I think that's why the feeling remained. The final scene was one of the best scenes I've ever watched in my life. That was genius of Sofia to think of that. It became something so personal to them that we aren't just the audience of a film screening right in front of us anymore, we became part of the scene. How cool was that. "Best Screenwriting" Oscar. How true.

The Notebook on the other hand was about true love. And being true and honest to yourself. If you want it, just go for it. Don't do things half-heartedly. It was like a beautiful fairytale that might come true. Ah well maybe except for the last scene.
I would want a love like that.

Being half-hearted is something characteristic of me if anyone knows me well enough. I can't trust myself enough to move forward and work.
Many things I heard today thrust me back into reality. Being all alone sure does me no good. It ain't sight unseen matter to make me open my eyes and heart knowingly. I'm sorry to say that I am that stupid.

And it's stupid to be half-hearted in things that do really matter.
Sighs.

But one thing I know for sure now- I am not mad anymore. :)